All I Need (Seth)

[Sephora Taryn]

Sephora was making herself do this. She was making herself leave her room. She hadn't. She hadn't left her room in so long and everyone was so worried about her and she was just so fucking sick of the damn pity party. That's what it was. It was like a constant pity party and she had no interest in letting it continue. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't sit around while Raine looked at her with puppy dog eyes and skipped her dance classes because she was so worried about Seph, it wasn't fair to her and she just couldn't do it anymore so she was forcing herself to go out.

She went over to her dresser and pulled out an old tattered pair of jeans, They were black and that was just fine for her mood. She didn't really care for color, and well she never really had in the first place so what did it really matter right? She pulled the old things on and then grabbed a long sleeved black shirt, It was one of the many shirts she had written words on. It said Fuck you in all caps and in bright white. This of course suited her mood quite nicely as well so she pulled it on over her bra grabbed her Ipod and then just left her room. It probably wasn't the best idea not grabbing a coat but she didn't feel the cold. She hadn't felt anything much of anything lately. That wasn't very important right now though...she couldn't afford to think about all that emotional crap right now. She needed out and she needed out right now.

She put her headphones in and pushed the volume all the way up and then walked outside and the night air hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn't feel it exactly, she just felt like she was getting hit. She knew that all too well...

She looked down at her Ipod and flicked to a song and then clicked on it.

I'm dying to catch my breath
Oh why don't I ever learn?
I've lost all my trust,
though I've surely tried to turn it around


Seph wasn't sure that this was the best song to put on or anything. She wasn't sure that it was going to make her feel better even though the song was powerful. She wondered why didn't she ever learn? She had spent so much time trying to deny what happened. She spent so much time trying to pretend that she didn't have feelings. She did though. She did have feelings and those feelings were broken.

She could remember that night in Nightmare House like it was yesterday, and it had been not that long ago but still. She could remember it as if it had only happened moments ago. The cold air was whipping and she felt her shoulder ache. The shoulder where she had been stabbed by that mad man...The mad man that Seth had been helping. Just that thought made Seph want to cry so much. Everything hurt everything hurt so much that she just didn't know what to do.

She couldn't feel the cold because all she could feel was the pain that was inside her heart. That sounded so fucking corny. She wasn't that pathetic girl. She wasn't the girl who cried because the boy had hurt her. She wasn't the girl who cried because he had just hurt her so much that she didn't know what to do, because he had betrayed her. She wasn't that girl.

Then again...Seph had never been in love before,

She almost choked at that thought because that thought hurt to think. She had fully realized that she loved him. She wasn't going to tell him about that either. She never wanted to speak to him again. She never wanted to see him again, at least that was what she kept telling herself because no matter how many times she thought about that. She missed him and she hated herself for missing him.

How dare she miss him? He didn't love her! He didn't care about her...

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don't tear me down
You've opened the door now, don't let it close

The song really wasn't helping the more she listened to it because the second she heard the words she thought of him. She thought of how she wanted him to make her heart a better place and how she thought that he was going to but he hadn't. He had made it an icy place. A place where no one would ever be allowed to go ever again. She would never let anyone near her heart ever again thanks to him...

She sighed and turned hating thinking about all of this and then spun around and screamed a little punching a nearby tree and then looked down at the blood stain in her knuckles. It probably was not a good idea to punch a tree but it didn't matter. She was so tired of trying to keep everything contained inside of herself...

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
when you hold me in your embrace

Seph closed her eyes tightly and then walked over to a near bench, Embrace. It made her think of his embrace. She sighed. She was never going to get over this was she? She sighed for the umpteenth time and then wished that she could have her sword or her knife. Something...

She went over to the bench and then just crawled underneath it. She laid under it and looked up at it before pulling a near by stick and starting to widdle it down to something pointy, she wasn't sure what she was going to do with it yet but still. She just needed something to be pointy. Seph sighed and then looked up at the bench again. She wanted to get out and now she was out. It just wasn't as good as she thought it was going to be...



Words: 1081
Muse: Gooood
Notes: Lol finally posted this thing

[Seth Horus]

Seth was not happy. He hadn’t been happy for quite a long time. And he could easily blame Julian for that, but he was just more blaming himself. It had been his own damn fault. There really was no one else that he could blame if he wanted to get down to it. He could only get on his own case. He was the one who had done the asshole thing. He had been the one to go and work for Julian. He had thought at the time that he wasn’t doing anything too wrong. But fuck had he been wrong about that.

He had hurt the only person that he…well…now he knew. Now he knew he loved her. It scared the hell out of him to realize that. He wasn’t sure how he felt about knowing that he loved someone again. The last time he had thought he was in love, she had turned it on it’s head, she had refused to come with him away from that horrible place. She hadn’t chosen him.

And then he had seriously screwed up the second chance at love he had been given. Who had ever been given two chances like that? And he had royally fucked it up, fucked it sideways. It was his own damn fault too, he couldn’t blame anyone else. He knew that. He had screwed up something that could have been amazing. He hadn’t known she would be there, he knew that had been his reasoning, but still. Knowing or not, he had done something dark and evil.

He was always dark though, maybe not evil but he wasn’t the good guy, he had never claimed to be. He was the one who made girls fall in love with him and then left them. He was the one who got in fights, was cruel and sarcastic without reason. He had felt himself losing that, he had felt himself losing his edge. All because he was falling in love. So he had done something drastic, he had gone to work for someone far more dark and evil than he could ever have been. And he had seen nothing wrong with it, nothing at all. Not until he had seen that look in her eyes.

He hadn’t known how much she meant to him until she had been there, looking at him like that, saying that she hated him. He paused and closed his eyes. Fuck. When had he turned into such a fucking wimp? When he had let himself turn into this soft person that he had been before he had let life harden him? He was good at being a villain. He had to remember that. All that soft stuff he had been with her, it had to go away again. She never wanted to see him again, she had made that clear. He needed to stop moping and let this serve as a lesson as to why he wasn’t allowed to become that soft ahd feeling person again.

All the same, he couldn’t bring himself to flirt with other girls, at all. It was bullshit, or so he kept telling himself when he could, to ignore that voice in the back of his head that told him that he couldn’t flirt because he loved one Sephora Taryn, even as she hated him. He needed to at least find his pants again to give her back her necklace. Julian had found it and being the type of man he was, decided that Seth was the one that should be the one to give it back to her. Like it was a fucking punishment.

He had almost knocked on her door at least twenty times now, the last few times he had even seen her friends watching to see what he was going to do, but he couldn’t stand seeing her look at him like that again. He couldn’t’ do it. So each time he had left and the necklace had still been in his pocket, like it was right now, tucked away safe in the deep pocket of his sweatpants as he walked to the edge of the forest for a run.

Apparently not even heart break could stop Seth Horus from running as much as he could manage.

It helped him clear his head, it helped him to think. Hell, it even helped him stop thinking. When he was running he didn’t have to focus on anything else. He could just move and that was it, his limbs pumping too much for him to focus on anything else, he was just moving and that was that. He didn’t have to focus on anything else. He tossed his shirt by the tree where he knew that he would eventually end up, popped in his headphones and had them start playing, he didn’t care what it was as long as it was music.

And then he began to run.

It was just the constant motion, his hands were pumping by his sides so he couldn’t fiddle with the necklace in his pocket, his mind was focused on other things so he was able to make it stop dwelling on the image of that hurt on her face, he could just run and run and that was all that he needed right now. HE knew that Darius thought he was being a total wimp for getting so hung up on a chick when he used to go through at least two or three a week depending on how long it took him to crack his challenges. They all went by so quickly.

All by Sephora Taryn, his Beauty who would probably rather die than ever hear him call her that again. He frowned. He wasn’t running hard enough, he was thinking. He didn’t want to think. He wanted to exhaust himself entirely and that was that, he didn’t need his thoughts to distract him. He didn’t want to think about her and how much he hated himself for letting her get hurt like she had been hurt.

He stopped, realizing he was back at the tree where he had tossed his shirt, and taking a deep breath and a gulp of the water he had left with his shirt, he started to walk to cool off. He really needed to get his head on straight again but every time that he tried he just thought of her.

Without really paying attention to his surroundings, like where he was or if anyone else was around here either, he just plopped himself down on a bench, breathing heavy, and wringing his shirt out in his hands even thought it wasn’t even wet because it hadn’t been on. He just needed something to do with his hands so they would stay out of his damn pocket.

Words: 1162
Muse: Eh
Comments: Sorry it's horrible -_-

[Sephora Taryn]

Seph couldn't look up at the sky from the position that she was now in and mostly that was because she was underneath a bench and the only parts of the sky she could see were what she could see through the cracks. She almost wanted to move her head out from under the bench just so she could see the sky and have something to depressingly stare off into space at. She just didn't have the energy. Wasn't that sad? She was so...un-herself that she wouldn't move her head slightly so she could stare off into space.


Seph sighed and looked down at the stick she had been tearing apart and looked at the now sharp edge. For perhaps the millionth time she wondered how exactly things had gotten so bad...why had things gotten so bad? Why had she been so powerless against it all? Had she done something that she didn't know about that offended someone in the cosmos? It just seemed that way, it seemed like everything had just turned against it. Seph frowned when she thought about it, it was her own fault. All of it. Well perhaps not all of it.


She hadn't asked to be kidnapped by some damned psychopath. She didn't ask for him to hurt her friends and basically make the Brat Pack fall apart. No she definitely had not asked for any of that. She hadn't asked to be turned into a tiny little kitten and have that one little thing ruin her life. To have that one little thing ruin everything she had come to be happy with. Everything she had come to love. More like the someone she had come to love. She sighed as once again she thought about him? Even though she wanted to punch him and hit him, she thought about him constantly and made her want to bore out her brain with her little stick knife she had just made.


She didn't ask to find out that this person that she had grown to love was actually just a fucked up little bastard who didn't really care about her at all. He was working for that psychopath. How could he have cared when he was working for someone who wanted to kill her and her friends? How could he have cared when he had said right in front of her that he didn't? Exactly he couldn't have. So now here she was, laying under a bench with a feeling that her heart had been ripped right out of her chest and stabbed fifty thousand times with a knife. Pleasant right?

She frowned and rolled a bit. She wasn't this girl, she wasn't the girl who pined and yet hated a guy. She just hated guys. She wished her mother was there and then reached to touch the spot where her necklace would be and frowned when she remembered. Her necklace wasn't there. She had lost it. She cringed a bit and let her hand just fall.

She had lost her necklace that night when all the crazy shit had happened. She didn't even realize that it was gone. It was so familiar to her, it was something she just always had that she didn't even think to look for it. She hadn't realized it until she had felt for it one day when she had been back in the room and it hadn't been there and she was fucking pissed. She would have gone back to find it, but she was pretty sure that that asshole had probably thrown it out by now. It was the last real thing she had of her mothers. She sighed a bit. She hated sighing. She did it so damn much lately that it just made her want to lash out and hit things. She was being so fucking pathetic. She wasn't allowed to sit here and be pathetic she needed to get up and move on with her life and just forget him...It wasn't like he was that special or anything.

Who was she kidding? He was so special. She closed her eyes holding them tight as she tried to not think of that first perfect night they had on the beach. She had seen him in such a different light that night. Even though it was completely cliche to say she felt like there had been some type of magic in the air that night and it was a magic that only he and she shared. She had learned so much about him and yet she had learned so little but the night had been something she held very special to her heart.

Now it was just something to hurt herself with. She felt bile rise in her throat as she thought about these memories. They weren't sweet anymore. Now they just seemed like it was his attempts to get what he wanted while plotting his evil schemes. Her broken heart, thought it was broken kept telling her that he couldn't have actually done that. That he wouldn't have done it and that it had all been a mistake. She knew better. She knew she had to listen to her head and not her heart. She was safer that way.

In that time that she had been lying there under the bench widdling down a stick she did not notice that someone was sitting on the bench, at least not until she decided to turn a little. She turned and she saw a shirt and she looked up through the small holes and saw a familiar blonde head and almost teared up immediately.

Seth.

She couldn't do this. It was too soon. She was not ready to face him and everything that he had done. She gulped a little bit and looked up at him with glassy eyes watching him sit there going about his life after he had hurt her so...

hey...

How the fuck dare he? He can't go on with his life while she was in pain. It wasn't allowed. He should be mourning her or something. He needed to feel the pain that hse did when she thought about him or smelled his scent on some of her clothes. He needed to feel everything she was feeling. He deserved it didn't he? He had hurt her more than any one person in the world ever had. So she did the most sensible thing.

She took the stick which she was now so glad she made and shoved it right through the hole in the bench and right into his leg as hard as she could. She was angry now and ready for a fight and she pulled herself out from under the bench red faced and glaring at him.

"I hope that fucking hurt so much"That was all she could get out. That was all she could choke out really because she was getting upset. She was thinking about everything and all it made her want to do is cause him pain, pain like the pain he had caused her.

Words: 1215
Muse: good
Notes: Shes stabby

[Seth Horus]

Seth had never claimed to be the good guy, or even a good guy. Why? Because it just wasn’t in his nature to be good. Maybe once upon a time it had been like him to be good, maybe once upon a time he could have been a good guy…but then his world had been flipped entirely on it’s head, and he lost that chance. He had had too many things happen to him, he wasn’t if he knew how to be good anymore. So he had stopped trying altogether to even try to be good.

And then he had met Sephora.

She made him stop being a total asshole. Of course, nothing could entirely stop him from that, not even the love of a woman, but he had stopped some of his ways. He had stopped flirting with other women, he had stuck with her after getting her in his bed—something that was unheard of for him—and he had stopped being quick to be mean to others, and use his speed to fuck with them.

It had scared the shit out of him.

So what had he done? He had done the first thing he could have done, he did whatever he wanted to become that dark person again. He needed to be dark, it was just in him to be dark, not good. The idea of someone changing him to be good, it scared the shit out of him. It scared him more, if he was going to be honest, that he was letting a woman change him like that, that he wanted to be better for her. He was letting himself be changed for other people, that was basically what had scared him into doing what he had done, which he shouldn’t have.

He knew that now. He knew he shouldn’t have now, but what could he do about that? He hadn’t realized that he loved her until that moment. Until he saw her being so hurt, being touched by another man in any way, until she had looked at him like that.

He shut his eyes, closing out the pain of remembering that. He never wanted to see her look at him like that again. He never wanted to be the cause of that much pain, not on her face. Never again. That was why he had been too much of a chicken to return the necklace of hers, the one that Julian had found and given to him to give to her. He was too much of a chicken to go anywhere near her to give it to her though, he just couldn’t manage it. Every time he thought about it, he saw that look and winced away from it. Like a coward.

He scowled slightly and shook his head. He had been a damn coward lately, he had been either sleeping, or running, or on occasion going to class. He couldn’t look at another woman, let alone flirt with her. He couldn’t even think about doing any stupid shit with Darius, everything made him think of her, which made it all worse, it made it all so much more dull. But he also knew that she would never want to see him again. Which was the worst. Because he still loved her. Fuck, he knew that he still loved her. But what could he do about that? Nothing.

He went for a run, to try and clear his head, but it didn’t really help. It used to help with anything, but now nothing helped. He knew that it wouldn’t, and yet he tried in vain. He just needed to stop thinking about her. Darius was right, he needed to screw his head back on straight and stop thinking about her altogether. That was the only way he could stop constantly making himself miserable. But he also felt like he completely deserved to be miserable. He had caused her so much pain, after all.

He had his shirt in his hands, but it never made it onto his body, he never managed to put it on. He just kept wringing it over and over again in his hands in an attempt to keep his hands busy and out of his pockets. And then he sat down, plopping down heavily on a bench, looking out into the distance at nothing in particular, just needing to not pay attention to anything.

And then he yelped in pain, when something sharp was shoved into his leg. What the fuck was that? What had done that? It felt like someone had stabbed him with a blade or something of the sort. He wasn’t sure where it had come from. He jumped up, wondering what had possibly been on that damn bench to stab him like that, and then he turned to face the offending bench.

Only he saw something very different indeed.

He froze, entirely.

He couldn’t do this. Call him a coward, but he really could not do this. It wasn’t right, she was the one who had the right to decide that, not him, but he really just couldn’t do this. He was tempted to run but fuck his leg hurt from where she had stabbed it. He knew she had stabbed it. Seph was stabby and abusive, that was just how she reacted to things, with violence rather than the real emotion she was feeling. He had gotten to know that. It had been a source of pride to know that, and now it just hurt that he knew that so well.

He wasn’t sure what to say, she said she hoped that hurt, and he was just standing there with no idea what the hell he could say. Should he say sorry? He knew that she wouldn’t belive him. She was looking at him almost like she had that night, but this time it was hidden behind anger, completely justified anger. He knew he probably looked bewildered, and he did well to hide his own pain. She wouldn’t want ot see that, she wouldn’t believe he was really hurting too.

It was a stupid mistake.

He couldn’t say that either.

Fuck.

He almost said sorry about twenty times, he knew he should have but he also knew she wouldn’t appreciate that at all. He wasn’t sure what to say. Instead he just nodded a bit. ”I deserved that” eventually he said, in a very rough voice that was trying to disguise everything he was feeling in that moment. ”I deserve whatever the hell you want to do to me, and I know it” that was eventually what he managed to say.

He knew she wouldn’t like it. But he also knew that there was nothing he could say that she would like.

Words: 1170
Muse: Okay
Comments: Ahhhh idk

[Sephora Taryn]

Seph never thought that things would end up this way. When she had been a little girl, This had not been how she envisioned her life. Actually when she was a little girl she had envisioned her life quite differently. For starters, her mother had been alive. Seph never imagined that one day she would be in a white room that smelled of medicine and pain, and that when she looked at the bed, it would be be her mother on it. No she never thought that was going to happen and that had. One moment she had been there, one moment she was gone, with no trace to prove that she had ever even been there. Nothing except a necklace that Seph didn't even have any more, No she had never planned any of that as child.

She sure as hell hadn't planned any of this either. She had never ever planned, to fall in love and for it to all go to shit. She hated that term, fall in love. Even though it was completely true. A person fell in love, they fell and then sometimes the other person they were falling for would catch them, other times they would just fall right on their face. That was how Seph felt. She had felt as if she she had fallen right on her face. Like she fell on on it and had broken some things while she was down there. Including her damn heart. Ugh. Heart break. Seph didn't believe in heart break. She was so off. She should never have let anything happen between them. She should have kept her eyes on the prize, the prize being nothing to do with guys at all and just staying Seph and being with her pack but no.She had royally fucked up.

So what that there were some good memories? They didn't matter now. They didn't matter any more because they had obviously meant absolutely nothing to him. All the kisses, and cuddle. All the sex, it had just been him trying to get his and leave out to dry on the line with the rest of women he had slept with, She was just a notch in his damn bed post to him, and if that was the case, what was the point in actually sitting there and crying over all the memories she had once held dear? If he could be a fuck face and make them not mean anything than she could do it too, She was trying. she was trying so hard but it just seemed to be a lot harder than it looked. He made it look so easy, to just not care and be an asshole. It was harder for Seph though, much harder.

Seph hated admitting her feelings. She would rather punch someone in face most of the time then actually admit that she was feeling something, but she knew she had loved him and even though she hated sounding like a stupid little girl who had their heart broken for the first time. Her heart was broken, and it literally hurt to breath some times. She was worrying all her friends and for what? For some guy who never gave a shit in the first place. She was being pathetic and as much as she wanted to stop, she couldn't make the pain go away. She couldn't make the pain of what he did go away. She couldn't get him coldly looking at her out of her mind, though she had tried with all her might.

That had been why she had done this. That had been why she had went out for this little walk. To try and do something instead of just lay in her bed and cry over and over again. She wanted to not be that pathetic little girl. It didn't seem to be working though because she was thinking about him, she couldn't get him out of her head no matter what she did. She was just going to be this pathetic girl no matter what. She had lied down under the bench and just looked at the stars through the cracks when someone had sat down and blocked her view.

It wasn't that someone had blocked her view that had bothered her, no it was the someone in particular who had done it. It was Seth.

Seph was not ready for this in the slightest. She was not ready for a confrontation with him, whenever she looked at him all she felt was pain. Deep deep pain inside her chest that would just stab and stab until she was sure that she was going to die. Mostly this was because she was completely and utterly still in love with him. She wanted the feelings gone, at least she thought she did but no matter what they just would not go away.

All of a sudden though, instead of feeling the pain and despair that she had been feeling moments before, it had channeled in a different way. She was now pissed the fuck off. She couldn't help but be angry. Here he was going about his normal routine in life, when she felt daily like she was absolutely nothing and she was never going to be again. He got to be okay? How the fuck was that fair? It wasn't so she had done the only sensible thing. She took the stick she had been bringing down to a point and she stabbed him with it. The yelp of pain that he let out made her feel both good and bad. Good because she was glad that he was suffering, bad because there was part of her that wanted to know if he was okay. What the hell was wrong with her?


She had come out from under the bench and angrily stared at him with a gleam of wetness covering her eyes. She told him that she hoped it hurt and he just seemed completely bewildered, you would think he had seen a ghost. No, it was just Seph, a very angry Seph but just Seph none the less. She looked at him and gulped a little bit, the sight of him made her heart break. He was still fantastically gorgeous and of course, he had to be wearing no shirt. Shit. She couldn't focus on that now. She needed to focus on how much of a fuck face he was and how much he had hurt her.

He was starting to speak after moments of nothing and he said to her that he deserved it. That she could do whatever she wanted to him. For some reason it made her even more angry with him. What was he trying to do? Get out of owning up to the fact that he was a complete and utter ass by saying to her that he deserved whatever she was going to do? Well it wouldn't work. She was so not going to let him get off the hook for this. No matter how sincere he looked. Asshole.

"Oh yeah right. You deserve what exactly? You deserve for me to punch you in the damn face? And why is that? Because of what you did? Because you can't possibly feel bad for that. How could you? You don't care about anything!she screamed at him, while she had been screaming, she had been moving closer. She hadn't noticed, but she was so angry that she just could not help but lash out at him and the more she lashed out the more close she got to him. It didn't matter she could handle this. She was angry, too angry not to be able too.

"I mean let's face the damn facts here Seth! Your a fucking asshole! You had me and in my friends in that place! My mother's necklace is fucking gone you jerk son a bitch!" She screamed again, she was closer now, less than arms length away. She could see the intricate details of his face clearly and she frowned at how much she had missed them, even with that emotion though. It didn't over ride the anger. She needed to do something, so she did the first thing that came to mind. She punched him in the face.

I punched him in the faceshe thought temporarily in shock because she just reacted on emotion. Immediately, she felt bad and she stepped back and away from him. She felt bad, so bad. But why?

"Fuck!!!"she yelled in exasperation. Then she began pacing and not looking at him unsure what to do, and unsure what he was going to do, and for the millionth time she wished her mother was there. More than anything she wished she wasn't there, this was too much.

Words: 1505
Muse: gooood
Notes: lol oh boy

[Seth Horus]

Seth’s hands were in his pockets as he sat there on the bench, absently fingering the necklace that laid in one of the pockets. He knew that he should actually return it to Seph. He knew that she treasured it and never took it off. But he just couldn’t bring himself ot face her no matter how hard he tried. And just leaving it in front of her door and in an envelope in her mailbox or something just seemed stupid and cowardly. He needed to be able to give it to her himself or that was just beyond pathetic. The only issue, of course, was that he was afraid to see her.

Not because he was afraid of her. No, no matter how fierce or abusive she was, no matter how skilled she was with a sword, he was never afraid of her. Why? Maybe because of his own stupidity. Because everyone else seemed to be scared of her and had the correct sense to not piss her off on purpose. It was because he was afraid of seeing that look in her eyes, the look she had given him when he had said those words.

He wished he had the courage to tell her. He had only said those things in order to save her .He wanted to get her out of there, that was the most important thing he had to do. But he couldn’t tell her that. Why? Because…

Because Julian had threatened him. If he told her the truth, if he told her just how many lies he said that day, and how much of it was untrue, Julian would hurt her, he would probably kill her. So no, he couldn’t tell Seph that all he said was a lie, a horrible horrible lie because he loved her. And the reason that he couldn’t tell her that was because he loved her.

He loved her.

He frowned a little, not because he loved her, but because of that word. The last time he had loved someone they had completely tore him apart. Not physically, but mentally. She had thrown it all in his face and left him to piece himself back together. Which he had done by hardening himself and refusing to fall in love again. He had started playing the game with girls. Which he had stopped when he met Seph, because she had meant more to him. That was probably why he had done what he had done, he wanted to harden himself again. He hadn’t known that she would have been there. That was a shit excuse though, because he kenw that her friends would be there and she cared for them. So he would have been in hot water either way.

HE would have been able to handle being in hot water with her though, with her being mad at him. But not with her hating him like she did now. Not with her getting hurt. He could actually handle her being mad at him as long as she hadn’t gotten hurt in the process. Seeing Julian touching her, threatening to touch her more, seeing him stab her…it all nearly made his eyes go red just thinking about it. He never wanted her to be touched like that ever again if he could help it. Not that she would appreciate him protecting her even in his thoughts, or let him anywhere near her to do it.

A sharp pain in his thigh had brought him out of his mopey thoughts. He had yelped and leaped up, and then proceeded to turn to see that it was Seph who had stabbed him. Oh no. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t deserve to have a say in that, of course. But he really just didn’t want to see that hurt look in her eyes, the same one that she was looking at him with right then. Oh she was angry, he could see that and his thigh had felt that, but there was that look that made him want to die just to not have to see it again.

Her eyes had tears in them, and there was that spark of anger but it was the sadness in her eyes that caught his attention entirely. All the same though he wasn’t sure what to do, he wasn’t sure what to say. She said that she hoped that hurt and he didn’t know how he could possibly respond to that. Anything he said she would just get angry about, and he didn’t want to make her angry even though he knew that was inevitable. He also just wasn’t sure what to say to her.

When all he wanted to do was to fold her into his arms and make sure nothing would make her cry again.

Though he couldn’t do that.

He didn’t have the right.

He had put those tears there, after all.

In the end, he had settled on saying that he had deserved that, that she could do her worst. And honestly, she could do her worst and it wouldn’t’ make up for the shit that she had been put through because of him. It wouldn’t make up for the things that he said to her, even if they had been said in order to get her away from Julian. She couldn’t’ know that though, she couldn’t know that he had just said that for her safety…because that would contradict all he had done to ensure she was safe.

And, as predicted, she got angry. Somewhere deep down he was proud of himself for knowing that because it meant he still knew her so well, but he wasn’t letting that thought bubble to the surface. She got closer and he didn’t move. He just watched her get closer. He meant what he said, he knew that he deserved her worst for what he had done. But that didn’t stop the ubsurd want to back away when she got closer looking so angry. Seph being angry was never a good thing if he didn’t want to get hit.

She started ranting and she said one thing that seriously stuck out in his mind. He couldn’t possibly feel bad according to her. It almost made him want to laugh. He couldn’t possibly feel bad? Was she serious? Was that really how she viewed him? He couldn’t possibly feel worse. He was at a serious low and half the time he barely moved from his room except to go for his run to try and clear his head. He could understand why she would think that though, after what she had been put through, but it still seemed to stick out to him as bizarre. He felt worse than she’d ever know.

She then said about her mother’s necklace and he frowned. He had that. She was right there, he should just give it to her while she was right there. He even reached into his pocket because he knew it was there and he knew it was upsetting her and that, at least, was one thing that he could actually do for her. That was one thing he could od to make it better without telling her that he still cared, that it was a lie. That was safe.

He never got a chance.

Because she punched him in the face.

His face turned with the hit, and he tasted blood when her fist met his cheek, being at least he had managed to turn his face slightly to lessen the hit. But she had a damn good hit, she always had even when she was just playing around. And that also knocked all thoughts of the necklace out of his head. He blinked and wiped a bit of blood away from his lip from where his teeth had nicked his own skin when her fist had made contact. And for a minute he just tried to get his thoughts together. Because she had hit him.

The only issue was that that was the only thing that kept replaying in his head. She had hit him. She had hit him square in the face. Deserved or not…she had hit him. He looked over to where she was pacing and shook his head, like he was trying to clear it, and he knew he looked slightly bewildered. But he honestly hadn’t expected it. He supposed he should have. ”You hit me” was all he said, in a slightly shocked tone. And then he said it again. ”You actually punched me in the face” he said it again like he was trying to get his mind ot believe that was what had happened.

Eventually his mind cleared, and he spoke again to her constantly moving form. ”You know, I get that I’m an asshole. I know that I’m an asshole. I’m whatever the hell you want to call me, and I know it. But you’re wrong about one thing.” he said, softly, and looked at her sincerely. She wouldn’t believe it. He knew she wouldn’t and that was okay in a way because it would keep her safe from anyone hurting her because of him. Anyone being Julian of course. ”I do feel bad” he said, even softer.

Words: 1600 on the dot
Muse: Good
COmmentS: Oh boy is right.

[Sephora Taryn]

Seph didn't know what to say, she didn't know what t do. She didn't know pretty much anything anymore. It was an odd feeling, this feeling of not knowing what to do. Seph usually had a good idea about what she was going to do about whatever situation that she was in. Then again, she had never been in this type of situation before. She had never had to deal with these emotions before. She had loved anyone like she did him, and she had never had anyone hurt her like he did either. The more she thought about it, the less she knew,

How did this happen? How did things get so fucking fucked up? she thought to herself. She had been running this over in her brain over and over again. How did it happen? When did things get so bad? She knew the answer. It wasn't like it had been something gradual that she had never noticed. It all had happened so quickly. One moment she was at the Masquerade with him, dancing with him having the time of her life. The next thing she knew, she was a tiny black cat staring helplessly at Seth, hoping what she was hearing was not the truth.


But it had been, it had been the truth. He was working for that son of a bitch that brought them there. He helped him. Every time she thought about it, it made her fucking sick to her stomach. She tried to think about it, to think about something else but what was there to think about? What else was there for her to try and wonder over? Every time she tried to think of the good times, all they did was make her heart feel like it was being strangled to the point where it was nothing but a lifeless piece of flesh.


Like the beach, that was her favorite memory. It was the first time they had kissed. He had kissed her so softly at first and she remembered freaking out about how it was such a tiny crappy kiss and he had sure remedied that. He kissed her with passion, something she had never felt but was happy to have felt. There had been magic in the air that night, there had to have been. The Cinderella story was over now though, no more Knight in assish armor. No more magic in the air, just a depressed girl in rags was left over after all that they had been through.


He didn't love her, she knew that now. Hell, that was half of the reason that she was so upset now. Well, it was most of the reason. She had almost let everything go that night, maybe she was deluded for even thinking of forgiving him so quickly, but she had thought about it. Too bad, he wouldn't have wanted to leave with her in the first place. He didn't love her. She didn't matter. She "couldn't" matter. Whatever the fuck that meant. So here she was, face to face with him and she was even worse off.

She was fucking pissed. She was upset. She was every emotion under the damn sun. She hadn't planned on running into him here, she had planned on trying to do something other than sit there and sulk in her room, but it had been too soon. She wasn't ready to leave her room and she knew it now, because more over she was so not ready to face him.

She couldn't look at him without feeling a stabbing pain in her chest, her mouth open because she felt so short of breath. She just couldn't handle this and she felt so whiny for saying so and feeling that way but she couldn't help it. She couldn't handle this, so she did what she normally did when she needed to get out her emotions, she lashed out in anger.

She had stabbed him, and he had said that he deserved it but that had just made her more angry. She would decide what he deserved because she was the one who was hurt here not him. He couldn't be hurt, he was the one inflicting the pain.

So she had yelled and screamed at him and all the while she had not noticed that she had been getting closer and closer to him. She was so angry at him, so angry for what he did, so angry at him not loving her. So Angry for how she felt, because when she looked at him all she saw was that face that she had come to love so much. So instead of doing what she wanted to do in the back of her mind (kiss him) she did something else that suited her anger,

She punched him.

Then she freaked out,

She hadn't meant too, oh she had but she hadn't at the same time. She freaked out and cursed and then began to pace by him. How could she hit him? Well he did deserve it, of course he deserved it! She reminded herself, if it wasn't for him they wouldn't be in this situation. If it wasn't for him, they could both be cuddled up in his bed right now...happy...

FUCK, she thought and then turned to look at him once more. She noticed blood on his mouth and her eyes widened. All she wanted to do was go over and ask him if he was okay, that was all she wanted. She knew she shouldn't though. It would completely defeat the purpose of her punching him. She was trying to make a point, well at least she thought she was anyway. She was doing her best to try and maintain her resolve in that she really wanted him to know that she was mad, even if she still loved him. Still, she looked over at him, her deep blue eyes full of worry among the other emotions floating around in that sea of turmoil.


She was about to just give entirely, she was going to go over to him and ask him if he was okay but he spoke to her. Saying that she hit him, basically repeating it in disbelief. Did he not think she had the capability of hitting him? Maybe he didn't. She probably shouldn't have if she was to be honest. Her shoulder now throbbed because of the recent wound it had received and she winced a little before she responded.

"Yes...I hit you....I should have done more."she said softly and not at all as convincing as she would have liked it to sound. She was conflicted and it annoyed her, he deserved every fucking bit of this, so why did she feel so bad?

She started to pace a little again, but it was slower, Less angry. She was just running out of fuel to be mad at him with, all her energy was now put into how sad she was, and how much she hated that she was being sad because it made her feel so damn pathetic. She sighed mentally, as she stopped again and turned toward him as he spoke again.

The wind picked up a bit, sending a chill down her spine, though she wasn't sure it was the wind as much as this terrible conversation. Her hair started to blow a bit in the wind and she listened to him speak. He was telling her that she was right, that he was an asshole that he was whatever she wanted to call him, but she was wrong about one thing. She looked at him quizzically as she waited for the answer.

He did feel bad.

Well that, that just made Seph even more angry. He did feel bad? How could he possibly feel bad? How could feel bad when he had been the one who did it all in the first place? What right did he have to feel bad? Unless...unless he didn't mean it all. He had some explanation or something. A stirring of hope started to rise up inside of her chest washing away some of the pain as she looked at him...What was she doing? She couldn't get her hopes up. Besides, he was a fuck face, just look at the mess that he had created.

She pushed her hair behind her ears and crossed her arms. "I'm not wrong, I can't be wrong. Did you forget what happened in that room Seth? Cus I didn't. I can't forget it. I probably will never fucking forget it for the rest of my life!!"she screamed now furious again, her eyes filling with hot tears.

"Do you remember those things you said to me? Those terrible things you said? You can't possible feel bad for any of that can you Seth, you know why? Because I don't fucking matter to you, how can you feel bad about hurting someone who means absolutely fucking nothing to you? You can't so don't tell me I'm wrong."tears were sliding down her cheeks and she didn't know what to do.

Then she started to laugh, just a little, a small bitter laugh, throwing her arms up in the are she spoke again. "But you know what? This is my fault, I did this, I let you in and now I have to suffer for it. Don't blame yourself I am the fucking idiot"she said now looking at him. The pain was clear in her eyes, so was the anger and she just wanted it all to go away. She was right though, it was her fault, it was her fault for loving him.

Words: 1669
Muse: Gooood, sad
Notes: She's so unhappy, lets go back to happy lol

[Seth Horus]

Seth didn’t know what to do. When had they gotten to this point? How had they gone from being happily together, spending most of their days in one of their beds, tangled up in the sheets and laughing. Or going out and kissing, and just being together. Where had those days gone? Where had the days where he had to trick her on to their first date gone? Or the days where they had done their first forbidden dance on the beach. Where had the laughter and the kisses gone? He felt like it had been a lifetime since he had been able to laugh.

And it was all his fault.

Seth scowled slightly, mostly at himself. It was entirely his fault, he had no doubts about this. He had missed feeling bad, he had missed pushing down the good part of himself so that way he could forget he had a conscience. Seph had been slowly giving him that back, slowly making him less of an asshole—though that would never disappear entirely, he was an asshole, that was just who he was and there was nothing he could do about that. And in those days he doubted she would want him to change, now he was pretty sure she wished she had never laid eyes on him.

He had missed being evil. Well he was evil now alright. What could be more evil than destroying love. What could be more evil than seeing her broken heart reflecting in those gorgeous deep blue eyes and knowing that it was all your fault that that look existed, than knowing that you were the one that caused that pain. He felt like the biggest asshole on the face of the earth every time that she looked at him like that.

He loved her so much. That was the problem. He had been running away from that feeling because the last time he had let that feeling take over his life, it had really taken over entirely. It had killed him so entirely and he didn’t want to feel that pain again. Oh no. He had done worse now. He had caused that feeling in someone else. He was such a piece of shit. He was the lowest form of man. He had caused a woman pain, and not in the usual way which wasn’t that bad because they didn’t really love him. He had done worse now.

She had yelled at him, and she had screamed at him, and he had expected it. He had deserved every harsh word that she yelled at him. He had deserved it all because that was what was coming to him. But she mentioned her necklace, the one that was currently in his pocket, and he was five seconds away from sheepishly returning it and watching her hate him further because she had been missing it and he had had it the entire time so that was not going to win him any favors with her, not that he deserved him.

But then she had punched him.

She had started to pace, but he was paying no attention to that. He tasted the little bit of blood in the corner of his mouth and blinked a little bit. He really hadn’t been expecting that. In all of the times that she had been pissed off at him before, she had never actually tried to hurt him, not in a way he couldn’t take anyway. Not that he couldn’t take this. It was more the fact that he hadn’t been expecting it. He commented in the fact, entirely disbelieving because it had seemed so unexpected. Though he figured he really should have been expecting it.

She looked at him but he honestly didn’t notice, he was looking down at his hand, looking down at the shirt in his other hand that he then used to dab at his mouth to get rid of the little bit of blood that had come from his teeth hitting his lip when she had hit, it wasn’t much really. He didn’t notice the worry in her eyes, and honestly if he had seen it it would have just confused him, he was fairly certain that he was the lowest form of asshole and didn’t deserve it right then.

She spoke, saying she should have done more, and he looked up at her then, keeping his eyes carefully blank as he did so. He didn’t want her to see the hurt, though it was there, at the idea that he had done this. That he really did deserve more. He didn’t want her to see that, he didn’t deserve to feel it in his mind set so why should she have to see it? It wouldn’t do any good really, not for either of them. Instead he just mutely nodded, agreeing with that assessment, which if he knew her, it would just piss her off. She didn’t seem to ever really like that for reasons he had never understood. He was agreeing with her, shouldn’t that at least make her happy?

He told her that he did feel bad. Part of him knew that he shouldn’t, he still remembered what Julian had said about killing her and he really didn’t doubt that the black fledgling would do it just to prove a point or just for his own sick enjoyment. But he couldn’t help it.

He had to say something, even if she wouldn’t believe it. He wanted to take her into his arms and explain that he hadn’t meant one word of what he had said, he had just wanted to get her out of there and safe. He wanted to whisper how much he loved her over and over again. How much looking at that pain in her eyes killed him every time that he saw it because he had put it there. He wanted to tell her just how amazing that he thought she was because he thought she was perfect. He wanted her to tell him that she could protect herself and smack him without meaning it, or roll her eyes at his nonsense. He wanted her to tell him she loved him back, like Faith had never been able to say.

But he didn’t deserve that.

He couldn’t tell her he loved her because that scared the hell out of him to even think about the fact that he was in love. He couldn’t tell her how much of what he had said was a lie because he was afraid that she would be wrenched away from him for good because of the threat that was hanging over his head.

She wouldn’t believe him anyway.

More than anything else, realizing she wouldn’t believe a word of what he said hurt most of all.

She talked to him about how much his words had hurt, how much he wasn’t allowed to be right because he wasn’t allowed to feel bad. And the more that she said, the more he wanted to tell her his feelings, that what he had said was a pack of lies to make her safe. He ached with the need. He burned with it more than his throat had ever burned for blood. He wanted to scream and howl with it and rage about how much he was sorry for hurting her.

He couldn’t.

He was distracted from it anyway by the way that she had said it was all her fault, that she was an idiot. See, that just made him angry. She was not allowed to think such things about herself, she was far from an idiot. He growled a little, just a little rumble. ”Don’t you dare” he said quietly. ”Don’t you dare call yourself an idiot when you are one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met. Blame me until our dying breaths if you must, but never will this ever be your fault. It’s mine. I never said it wasn’t.” he said, not happy that he even had to say that, when he thought it was so obvious that it was his fault.

In an aggravated motion, one that was his normal aggravated motions, he ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up in a golden rumple more than it usually did. This was all his fault. ”I’m not worth getting this hurt over, Beauty” he said, softly, not even noticing really that he used her pet name when he spoke. His temporary bout of anger had subsided in that moment. Because he was just plain sad that he had fucked up something that had been the most amazing thing he had going, and he hadn’t even noticed until she had started to hate him.

He opened his mouth to speak, to say something to maybe do something about the tears slipping down her face, to say something to try and ease the pain in her eyes, but he knew he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t say the right words to do that because those words would get her killed and that really would be his fault. He just shook his head. ”I’m not worth crying over” he muttered, so soft he barely heard it.

He had been told that before, once, and it hurt to say it himself out of his own mouth.

But it was true.

Words: 1665
Muse: Epic
Comments: Omg on one note, I wanna feel so bad and hug him for his train of thought at the end, but on the other hand I wanna shake him for being so down and emo on himself. -shakes Seth- FIGHT FOR YOUR WOMAN DAMMIT.

[Sephora Taryn]

Seph had always pitied those girls in movies. She had always looked at them and thought they were stupid. They sat there and they cried over these guys who in Seph's opinion were not worth it anyway, she would sit there and pity them. She would make fun of them when they cried. My how the tables have turned, she thought to herself. The tables have turned. She was now the one who was so emotional. She was the one who had the broken heart. She was the pathetic one now. She was the one who was in so much pain. She felt ridiculous.

Even more so, She felt depressed, alone and helpless. Seph absolutely hated feeling helpless. Depressed and alone, she could deal with that. She had dealt with it before when her mother had died and when Raine had left. The helplessness she just could not deal with. She hated feeling consumed by her feelings, she hated feeling completely without control. She had no fucking clue as to what she should do about it either.

Over and over again, the same questions ran through her mind. Why did she do this? Why did she let him in? Why did she even look his way? No matter how many times she asked herself why these things happened she could never come up with anything that made sense. She had no reason for why she let him in, for why she was here except for the fact that she had let herself care. She let herself care so much that she had fallen in love with him. Something Seph never thought she would ever be able to say about anyone, falling in love had never been on Seph's life plan, but he had to come in and mess that all up.

She was still in love with him, it wasn't like it had changed simply because hes an asshole. The sad fact of the matter was she had only realized how much she was in love with him because of the fact that he had turned out to be such a fucking dick. The things that he did...The things that he said...The wounds that were left...Nothing could change how much they had hurt her, but how much they had hurt her could not change how much that she loved him. She wished it could, because then she wouldn't feel so damn pathetic. She would be normal, herself.

It was too late for that now though, much too late. All she could do now was wonder why he had done this. Was it something that she did? Had she brought him to work for a mad man and then tell her that she basically did not matter to him? No, it couldn't be her fault, even though she thought it was from time to time. It had to be him and that mostly just made it worse because she wanted it to not be him even though she was mad at him, deep down she just wanted him back with her. Making her laugh, making her smile. She wanted it all back, she could never have it though, he didn't want that anymore, if he ever did at all.

She had not been prepared to see him. She hadn't wanted to be anywhere near him, she had just wanted to wallow under a park bench but there he had been and everything had progressed so quickly from then. She had yelled at him and he had taken every bit of it but more importantly, she had punched him in the face. She actually really felt bad for that one but she couldn't let him know that. If he didn't care about her, then she didn't care about him either, even if that was a complete and total lie.

She had freaked out on him. She had freaked out about all the things that he had done and said to her, and it was well deserved in her book but then she had quieted down because after all she was able to figure out a way this was in fact her fault. A way she had know the whole time. It was her fault for letting him in and falling for him and trusting him in the first place. It was her fault for thinking that this was going to be different, That she would some how luck out and have found her Prince Charming. This was her own fault and she realized this, this also made her an idiot. A complete and total idiot. So she had said so, she had said that it wasn't his fault, that it was hers and that she was an idiot, it was his response that caught her attention.

She had stopped pacing but was surprised by a growl that made her look up and stare him straight in the eye. He spoke then, saying that she should not dare call herself an idiot, and to blame him to their dying breaths but not herself. Our, he had said. Our dying breaths, for some reason him saying that tugged on the strings of her beating heart. She gulped though, on a normal basis she would have just yelled at him for him trying to tell her what to do but she found herself immobile against his words.

What happened next, rendered her even more speechless, She had tearing up, she was fucking emotional that she couldn't help it. Even so, he had spoken again to her, saying that he was not worth getting this hurt over, but it was the last word that had caught her attention.

Beauty.

Beauty... That had been his nickname for her, instantly when he said she got images of them laughing happily in the sheets of a bed and him calling her that as she nursed wounds that she herself had created,,,

She had no idea how she felt about him using that word. She was kind of mad. How dare he fucking think that it was okay to call her that after all that he had done to her? How did he have a damn right to utter that word and obviously it didn't mean as much to him as it should? He had rendered the word with no meaning, and now just thinking of that made her want to cry, because that word held no meaning to him. It was nothing to him, she was nothing to him, so why use it?

Which was something else running through her mind, why use the word if she meant so damn little to him? She felt a glimmer of something rising inside of her chest. Hope. Hope was stirring in her breast, but she dare not say a word about it. Not outwardly anyway.

He spoke again saying that he wasn't worth crying over and she just crossed her arms and looked at him, tears spilling down from her eyes anyway. She looked at him. She didn't know what to say exactly, She just shook her head and took a step toward him.

"Well obviously...I think differently."her voice, she knew that it came out completely cold but her eyes betrayed her The hope was there, The need was there. The love it was there, everything that was welling inside of her was there. But that was bad she thought suddenly.

She would not make herself vulnerable to him again. By showing so much emotion she was opening herself up for heartache, but she couldn't help it. What else could she do? She needed to speak again, to say something that might get things back to to the way they were. She was fucking pissed at him, but she could not help the words that left her lips then.

"Maybe I was wrong though...Maybe you are not worth my tears or my pain"she said with a big determined voice. Then she looked up at him, not wiping her eyes or anything and spoke again "Unless of course you can tell me different. Unless you can tell me that none of that was real back there and something else is. Unless you can tell me something other than what I know.she said with a gulp.

It seemed cryptic sure, but it was the only way to say it. She hadn't meant to say it really but it had come out, The part of her that was not angry was the part of her that was in love, the part of her that was completely in love wanted her Seth back, While the other part just seemed to know better, so she stood and waited to see if he would respond while the two parts of her insides warred against each other, who would win? Only he could decide.

Words: 1501
Muse: Epic
Notes: Be happppy lol

[Seth Horus]

Seth couldn’t believe that it had come to this. From laughter and teasing to tears and pain. How had this gone so bad? Because of him of course. He couldn’t keep dwelling on that, he would make himself miserable. But that was too late, wasn’t it? He was already so miserable that he barely got himself out of bed most days. And he did deserve to be this miserable after what he had done. He deserved to dwell on it and make himself that upset. He deserved to think about over and over again how much she had hurt and the look in her eyes when she had had her heart broken by him.

He wasn’t worthy of her. He was aware of that now at least. He wasn’t worthy of her laughter, of the silly way she was determined to always be the strongest, of the way she felt against him. He wasn’t worthy of her love, if he ever had it. He probably hadn’t, probably. He didn’t deserve it if he had gotten it. He knew he was in love with her, at least he knew that now. Not that it did him any damn good now. He would have to live with the knowledge of the fact that he loved her, and he had torn it all apart with his own stupidity.

Because that was what it had been. His own stupidity. He had felt like he wasn’t being evil enough, that he had lost sight of his darker roots and when he did that he always seemed to get hurt. Being the nice guy never got him anywhere but broken hearted. First it had gotten him heartbroken the first time when Fae had left him without even looking back. And then it had gotten him killed and brought back as a red fledgling. It had gotten him no where good.

And now here he was, standing in the forest across from her, with her looking at him with those hurt eyes again. He hadn’t meant to find her here. She had just appeared underneath the bench he had sat down on, and stabbed him, which he had completely deserved. And then he had gotten punched in the face by her, which he had also deserved. All the same, it had taken him by surprise and left him dabbing at the slight blood with the shirt in his hands to get rid of it before he lost any form of control.

He hadn’t been paying much attention to her pacing, or her ranting while he did this. Which was admittedly a bad thing when he was the one in the wrong, but he was a little bit shell shocked by being punched and all of that, so he would just have to forgive himself later. Not that he deserved to be forgiven at all, really. But that was the general idea. He had paid attention again though, when he caught what she was saying.

She had called herself an idiot, and said that it was all her fault obviously and that was what had made him snap in the end and actually pay attention. He hadn’t meant it meanly he just…couldn’t take the idea of her blaming herself at all for this. It wasn’t her fault at all, it was all his and he told her that, obviously, after growling at her which had been an automatic reaction which he hadn’t been able to help, being a red and all sometimes these things just happened. No real control over it and nothing he could do to help that.

He had expected her to yell at him, he had told her what to do and what to think after all and she never responded well to that in the past. He knew her. He knew her so well. Which was why he knew usually how she’d react. But she just gulped. Part of him was upset inside, maybe he just plain didn’t know her that well after all. He had predicted how she’d react wrong. He had prided himself before on how well he knew her but that right there, maybe that proved that he didn’t know her at all. In fact, she didn’t reply at all. Maybe that just proved he knew nothing about her.

And then he told her he wasn’t worth being hurt over. He called her Beauty too, but honestly he hadn’t even noticed he had said it, even after the word came out of his mouth. It had just slipped, so naturally too without him really thinking about it. It had come so naturally. But what he had said, about not being worth it, was true. He had been told that in the past so why wouldn’t it be true? He wasn’t worth her tears, or her hurt, or the way she was looking at him so pained like. He hated that look in her eyes, he wished he could take it away.

When she had kept not answering, even after his next murmured words, he had begun to figure that she just didn’t want him there. And maybe he should honor those wishes of hers and just get out of here. Maybe just lock himself up in his room again with only his kitten for company because even his best friend wanted to stay away from him because of the way that he was moping. He had even turned to go as well, figuring that it was for the best.

She told him that she thought differently, and the voice was so cold that he almost couldn’t believe that the words were what she really meant until he turned back and saw the hope in her eyes. Why was there hope there? What was she hopeful about? He was grateful just not to see the hurt and the pain there, the hurt and pain he had put there himself. But the hope, he wasn’t sure what it meant.

She spoke again, saying that maybe he was not worth her tears or pain and Seth winced on the inside. Well that hurt even though he had said it first. It hurt to hear her saying it because that made it true. But she continued. She was asking him to tell her the truth, that he really hadn’t meant a word that he had said back there. Well, he hadn’t meant a word of it. It had all been to get her out of there and to get her safe! And he opened his mouth to tell her so but then clamped down on it automatically.

Shit.

Shit, he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell her. Julian would kill her if he told her and that was worse than the pair of them being heart broken. At least if she didn’t know the truth, she could go on living, get over her heartbreak eventually and fall in love with someone better than he was. He felt a sharp pain in his heart when he thought that. That felt like the worst possible thing to do. He wished there was some way he could tell her without Julian finding out but he hadn’t figured that out just yet. He would, just not yet. He was working on it.

But for right now, he was in serious pain.

He wanted to tell her, he wanted to so badly. ”Like I said, I do feel bad” he said, frowning a little bit. He wasn’t sure. He knew he had to, he had to break her heart all over again, again in order to make her safe. Part of him would rather hold her in his arms than that, but he couldn’t be selfish, not when it came to this. ”But you deserve so much more than an asshole like me, Seph. So I can’t tell you anything, though I wish I could. But you deserve better, and I’m sticking to that. I’ll just get you hurt again” he said, knowing that none of that would probably make sense to her. Fuck it would probably just make her angry with him because he had avoided the question and sounded very criptic about it.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her, he wanted to. But he couldn’t make himself say those words even if he wanted to. Even if he could without her getting hurt or dead, he wouldn’t have been able to say it to her. He was no good at all at that sort of thing, and the idea of falling in love honestly scared him. SO he kept his mouth shut, even though he didn’t want to do it. ”I’m Sorry” he said, softly. He was trying to be cool about this, but he knew that the broken and hurt look in his own eyes was going to give him away. She would probably see right through him if he wasn’t careful about this…

Words: 1545
Muse: Okay
Comments: Sorry its kinda...off?

[Sephora Taryn]

Seph felt a slow aching burning in her eyes as she stood there. She had been crying of course, despite how much she had tried to not, how much she had tried to hold it in they had come out anyway. They made a lonely trail down her cheeks until they fell from her face and into the abyss of the cold ground beneath her. She hated this. She hated every damn minute of this. Why were things so complicated? Why was she whining about it? Why did it hurt her so? Why couldn't she let him go?

She had tried very hard to let him go. Every single day since the...incident. She had tried so hard to just put him out of her mind and pretend things were different. Pretend that he had never been that shadow hovering over her book, pretending that that night on the beach had not been one of the best of her life. She had tried so hard to forget all of that, but it didn't work because every time she closed her eyes, there he was smirking that lazy smirk at her or grinning and calling her beauty. The way his hair seemed perfectly mussed and his eyes always full of something that amazed her no matter how many times she had looked in them and for thinking all of that she realized, she was weak.

It made her hate herself, but she fully realized that she was not the strong woman that she had always thought she was. She was nothing like the heroines of the books she loved who did what they wanted and worried about the man later. No, she was completely weak because even though she had other worries, Seth was her priority. She felt so much for him that she let it consume and take over her. What kind of book heroine did that? Not one. Therefore Seph was a weak link, a pathetic weak link for letting everything about him affect her so much.

So many things that had happened to her. He was the cause of so much pain in her life, and yet he could not let him go no matter what he had done. He had hurt her and her friends and had completely dismissed her when Julian had asked him too. Now what? She was sitting here crying over a man who obviously not doing the same thing? He was probably with girls every night now that he was not tied down to her. He didn't care about her, he didn't want her or need her or anything like that. At least that was what she kept trying to that dumb heart of hers. Her head had some sense but her heart wanted him still. Her heart was screaming for him, aching for him. She couldn't shut it up, her heart still believed in him. Still believed in them as sappy as that sounded, it was just something that she could not shake.


Then he had done something that she had not expected. He had called her beauty. Beauty was his name for her, it was like a little spark of connection had lit up inside of her when he said it. It was like that was something to give her heart the justification for thinking that things could go back to the way that they were. It had stunned her into silence when he had uttered that word to her, he had no idea what that meant to her and he never would because she was never going to tell him.

Still, him saying it made he think things that she shouldn't have. Perhaps...No, she wouldn't go there. She could not go there. She could not start thinking about things that could be if his name calling meant anything at all. So instead, she tried something else. She tried an extremely cryptic way of actually asking him if he was worth her time and pain. She wanted him to tell her that all the tears that she had cried were not for nothing and that everything was going to be okay. This wasn't a movie though, that was not how things ended.

As she waited for him to respond to her, she crossed her arms and finally wiped the stains on her face away, she didn't want to seem like the pathetic girl that she knew herself to be.

When he started responding, she tried to look determined and unafraid of what he was going to say but as soon as he started speaking she felt herself wilt a little at each word that he said. Not that any of those words actually made any sense to her because they didn't. It was all so cryptic. About just as cryptic as the question she had asked in the first place. She frowned a little as she felt a well of sadness and a well of anger begin to grow inside of her.

This was her fault, all her fault. She had let him in, she had let her emotions get the best of her. She had become a slave to her feelings like all the Heroines that she had actually hated. She was nothing, not worthy of the tattooed sword on her back. She was nothing, perhaps she deserved what had happened to her because of the fact that she had let herself be taken by it.

She sighed a little. What was she doing blaming herself? This was his fault too, his fault for trying so hard to get her. For winning her over and then throwing her to the side like she was nothing. Feel bad? What did he feel bad for? Could he possibly even feel that emotion? She didn't think so, for how could he feel any emotion when he was so obviously emotionless. She didn't notice the pain in his eyes, How could she? She was much too focused on her own pain. The pain that she was pretty sure was never going to go away.

He said that he was sorry and that was it for her. She snapped she just couldn't help it. All the things she had done, all the things he had done and said. It all just came out of her....

"Your sorry? Your sorry? Your fucking sorry...Oh well that is just great to know Seth. I am so glad that you are sorry. Because sorry really helps me feel like less of a pathetic piece of shit for ever believing your bull. she laughed bitterly"But good Job. Good job for making me fall for it all Hook line and fucking Sinker. Really, Bravo.

She turned then, thinking of hitting him and deciding against it, then just stormed off into the cold night, her eyes filling up with hot tears again. What the hell was her problem? Did she not know that it was not worth crying over him? He was doing nothing but being an beast, viscous in it's kill like he was viscous in breaking her heart. And why should she cry over a beast?

Words: 1210
Muse: Goood
Notes: Sadness