Misery (BP GALS)

[Crissatha Pandora]

It had been a shitty month or so. Perhaps that was an understatement. It had been a fucking pile of shit month. No, even that didn’t really cover it at all. Crissatha Pandora entered her, now single, room and looked around. It was weird to be in a single again, but after getting closed in on a lot in the tunnels, she found that her claustrophobia had gotten worse, so the necessary movement back to a single on the first floor had come around. No worries though, she would be perfectly fine. On her own.

She frowned. Not on her own, her friends were just down the hall.

She had just forced herself to move out of Lux’s single room. Why? Because he needed his space. For all that he loved her and had taken care of her, Cris knew that her being there had started to impede on his private time and she wanted to give that back to him, even if it scared the shit out of her to be on her own again. She frowned at herself. She had never been this fragile before, never been this…alone before either though. It felt weird to feel so alone. And she knew why too.

Over the past six months, she had been part of a couple. Her and him (she still couldn’t deal with thinking his name). Steady as could be. She had even said that she loved him back when he had said it to her. She snorted at the idea. She was not going to dwell on that lovely little tidbit. But anyway, she had been part of a couple, rarely on her own and even if she was she knew if she called she could go see him, fuck even if she didn’t call she could. It was all a matter of the fact that she didn’t have to be on her own, ever. And now she had Lux, just like she always did, but it was a little bit different.

She was single.

And fuck, she had been taking advantage of that in a way. She had gone around screwing boys like nobodies business, but that was in order to feel again. She felt like she couldn’t feel, couldn’t deal, without it. It was how she dealt with things, and her closest friend had taught her that method, even though she knew he wished he hadn’t. But it helped. For that tiny moment, she was close to someone again, joined with them, and it was an amazing thing in a way, it killed the lonliness and the ice that had been building up inside her…only for moments later it to crash on her again.

She slid over to her mirror and relined her eyes darkly with her eyeliner once more, accentuating the icy eyes that didn’t laugh or sparkle anymore like they had when she had been with him. Now she was back to being the ice bitch. She shook her head and turned around to pull on a lose shirt that proclaimed “Why be Nice?” on the front and “When you can be Naughty” on the back over her tank top. It was her method of a holiday shirt. She hated Christmas, so fucking much. It was a stupid holiday.

But it wasn’t like she was doing any better than her friends. Cris frowned and held up her hand. Ki had been off the grid—she put down one finger—Raea was upset due to Pride—she put down another—Seph had decided to never leave her room again and was having a massive affair with ice cream—another went down—Li always seemed to be massively angry at them all—yet another—and then there was Red, who seemed to have fallen off the grid as well. Something about her challenge being about Kalona and the rest of the Pack, she was not going to get into that shit.

And that was the five of them.

And most of their drama had to deal with boys.

Stupid fucking boys.

That was it. She frowned and put her iPod onto her iHome, two of the only pieces of technology that she owned, and blasted Misery by Maroon Five. She wasn’t usually into shit like this musically, but it had a happy beat and still proclaimed how someone else did him wrong, it was a good song, good shit that way. And then she came up with a plan, utterly determined. The Brat Pack girls had all managed to be on the same floor, and it was time to take advantage of that.

She hated anything girly, or anything female related, which definitely included sleepovers, but desperate times and desperate measures called for this one. She left her room and made her way down the hall, leaving her music blasting, and pounded on doors as she passed. First was Li’s. ”Grasshopper, let’s go!” she called as she pounded, and then she continued. Red’s and Raea’s. ”That means you too, mopey butt and red head!” she yelled this time, keep going. Don’t think about the fact that Li didn’t want to talk to Raea. Raea probably wasn’t in anyway, she didn’t seem to be lately, she seemed to be emmersing herself in her books. She wasn’t sure where Ki was but she pounded on the door anyway and kept going.

Now she came to Seph’s. They would have to have it in here because Seph refused to leave her room, because of what Seth had done. She knocked, and Raine answered, as expected. Cris frowned slightly. That was just what she needed. ”Aria” Raine said simply and Cris shook her head and responded. ”Kaleigh” she replied. They knew each other from back in the day, back before they were marked. They had grown up together. No one knew this, no one was allowed to, they both kept it to themselves. They hated each other now anyway.

”What is it?” Raine asked her, putting aside her usually bubbly attitude in order to deal with Cris, as if Cris was going to hurt her precious charge or something like that. As if, Cris just wanted to get her to stop moping. ”I’m having a girl’s night. She’ll be fine, I won’t let anything happen. And you can use my room as long as you don’t touch my stuff” Cris told the other girl who used to be her closest friend with a growl. Raine shook her head. ”Kay…take care of her.” Raine said, and with that she left the room. Cris couldn’t help but mutter or what under her breath, knowing the other young woman couldn’t take her in a fight if her life depended on it.

Instead she just smirked and burst into the room. ”Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty” she teased one of her closest friends as she entered.


Words: 1199
Muse: Epic
Comments: Seph should probably reply next but after that, let the man hating begin

[Sephora Taryn]

Seph was looking outside of her window, she was gazing at the full moon that was out the window hanging there up in the sky. The opalescent orb was shining brightly down on the grounds below them making everything not as dark as it would be without it. It was bright and beautiful but no matter what...Seph could not find the beauty in it. It couldn't seem to make her feel better. The bright orb, seemed dull to Seph. It seemed to just be another cheap thing in the world. Something else for her to just not want to care about. Seph didn't want to care about anything right now.

She closed the drapes and laid down on her bed. She didn't want to look at the cheap brightness. She didn't want to sit there and pretend that she felt better and that everything was okay. Seph felt like fucking crap and she couldn't help that. Not after everything that had happened. She hadn't looked in the mirror for weeks. She had barely taken a shower unless Raine had literally forced her out of bed and made her go and take one.


She sighed and felt Raine looking at her but she just ignored it. She didn't want to deal with all the questions about how she was. If someone asked her if she was okay one more time or told her that everything was going to be okay one more time she was literally going to scream. She didn't want everyone looking at her like she was going to explode. She didn't want everyone treating her like a frail little piece of nothing. Even if she was. She sighed again and pulled her pillow over her head.

She hated this. She hated the fact that she was so broken inside. She hated the fact that she just wanted to die inside. She hated that she couldn't close her eyes without seeing images of being stabbed...of him. She wanted to scream, she wanted to scream so loudly that it would shatter the windows. She wanted to scream so loudly that she would shatter his ears from wherever the fuck he was.

Seph pulled the blanket down off the bed and curled up under it. Maybe if she just hid under the blanket and wrapped it up over herself as tight as she possibly could she would get the chill that was inside her body out of her. Maybe everything would be okay. What the hell was wrong with her? She was so not the whiny girl. The one who missed the man terribly even though he had done such unspeakable things to her. The one who could hate him yet love him so much at the same time. She didn't know what to do with all the feelings. She really just wanted to burn them, or stab them. Or do something bad to them. If it wasn't for the fact that she was on the first floor, she would just jump out of the window to end it.


Seph sighed one more time and sat up looking at Raine. She thought of suggesting that they watch something on the television just so the room wouldn't so quiet. She sighed a bit when she heard the knock on the door. Great people, Probably here to ask her more fucking questions.

She flopped back down on the bed and attempted to just ignore who ever it was coming in the room. As if she was in her cat form her ears perked up a bit as she recognized the voice. The next thing she knew All she heard was a familiar voice saying "Here Kitty Kitty Kitty"

Cris. She almost smiled a little bit but she just couldn't seem to muster up the energy. She looked up at her and didn't say anything.

"Cris....I'm wallowing. So if your here to try and get me out of bed Please don't...I just don't have the energy right now." That was probably the most Seph had said in about a month, everything else had been short and clipped. Mostly she just didn't want to talk, her throat had burned too much from crying. Not that it was something she really wanted to admit anyway.

"What are you doing here anyway?" she said softly to her keeping her head down on the pillow and looking up at her. She didn't know what Cris was doing here but she was maybe vaguely interesting in figuring it out what it was. She was hoping that it didn't involve leaving or anything because she didn't feel like moving, she wasn't sure that she ever was going to feel like it again. Yeah, that was the sad state of affairs in the mind of Seph. Oh well right? Yeah...Oh well.


Words: 831
Muse: Good, tad rusty
Notes: Shes so depressing

[LightningϟStrife]

They came in the form of nightmares.

They attacked her each, and every night; ruthless and unforgiving, each one more painful than the last. They all showed their faces. The ticking of clocks, the feeling of spiders on her skin. Julian, with his cold eyes demanding terror and fear. The red fledgling and her maniacal laughter. Her supposed friends, who all stood still whilst she suffered alone.

Cloud, with his body bleeding -- dead.

Cloud, with his face twisted with hate, for her.

But the absolute worst thing about these nightmares, were that they weren’t nightmares at all. They were memories, and they were hers.

Lightning thrashed in her bed, jolting to a stop only when her mind couldn’t bear to take it any longer. Her eyes snapped open to expose vulnerable blue, tears pooling at the edges already. She began to blink furiously, her arms flailing to prop herself up into a sitting position; wild sobs scratching past her lips, the sound horrifyingly inhumane.

Frantic, she glanced towards the other bed in the room, taking comfort in the fact that it was empty. Her roommate had long since slept -- or even stepped in -- their shared dorm room for days now; she couldn’t handle waking up every night to the sound of Lightning’s shrieks.

She didn’t blame her; she’d have run away too, if she could.

Pressing a hand to the side of her head, she struggled to stifle her cries, flinging herself to her side table to find her phone. Snatching it into her grasp, she dialed the number she knew off by heart and shoved it to her ear, her heart thumping with fear. For a moment, for one terrifying moment, she thought he wasn’t going to answer. But then she heard the click, the slight yawn, the smooth and gentle voice of her brother, laced with a carefully hidden tint of worry.

”It’s not real, Light; I’m still alive. He can’t hurt you anymore.” She closed her eyes. She had rang him so many times, they had formed a script that they rehearsed each night. It might have been funny, if it wasn’t for Lightning’s sanity at stake. ”No, no, no, you don’t understand, I saw you, you were dead, dead, like, like la-last time, it was so rea--“ she broke off in a sudden fit of sobs, struggling to maintain a calm (or somewhat calm) posture. ”You said you hated me! You hate me!” She wailed, almost accusing, slowing losing grip of what was reality, and what was not.

Her brother shushed her down over the phone, fighting for composure; it was hard, when his twin was suffering so much. When he was one of the causes for her pain, intentional or not. ”I know, I know; but that wasn’t me; you know how much I love you. It wasn’t real. It was all just a bad dream…”

And on it went, carrying on for the rest of the night as they always did.

Their call ended, when the sun had dipped below the surface, the light finally embracing the dark.

Lightning whispered a shaky goodbye, before cutting the phone call, tossing the cell back onto the bed. Her head thronged with the pain of lack of sleep, her mind groggy and disorientated. Leaning over her bed, she clumsily opened one of her drawers, before plucking out a bottle of sleeping pills, before taking two out. She rolled them over her fingers, eyes dead and unfocused. She was so tired; she always was. She needed the pills -- she needed the sleep.

But she couldn’t handle closing her eyes.

Because although reality was painful, her dreams were agony.

She tossed the pills into the bin, wrapping her arms around herself in a loose embrace. She stared at the mirror on the opposite wall, blank cerulean looking bleakly back in the reflection. The dark shadows underneath her eyes betrayed her sleepless nights, the haunted look forever etched onto her features showing her trauma through wordless means. Lightning turned away from the mirror, not wanting to see the aftermath of the so called game.

She scowled, choosing anger over fear. Julian; he played with her fears just because of a game. Or, to be more precise, because of his darling, innocent, Raea. It was because of her that she suffered. Her eyes narrowed, her dead blue orbs sinking to a darker shade. It was because of her, that Lightning had her nightmares each night.

Deep down, she knew it wasn’t her fault.

But she was scared, and she hated being scared; it made her weak, and vulnerable. So, she channeled her emotions towards anger, and she felt that it was easier to cope by blaming it all on anyone and everyone she could.

It was easier to think that she hated everyone; that she didn’t need her friends, as long as she had her brother. Because losing one person was enough -- even if it wasn’t reality -- but losing a handful more? She couldn’t -- no, wouldn’t -- deal with that. So yes; it was easier to think that she simply didn’t care, than to risk being hurt. Again.

”Grasshopper, let’s go!”

Lightning’s head snapped up as she heard a pounding at her door. She didn’t have to guess who it was; only one person in the world called her grasshopper. Her lips almost curled in amusement, and they would have, if only Lightning let herself care. But she didn’t; not anymore.

She didn’t have to ask why Cris called her, either. She had been friends with her for a long time now -- she knew how the mind of the BP worked. She briefly considered going, to give them all a chance.

But the idea of seeing their faces; the very faces that haunted her dreams at night brought back the pain in her core.

She wanted to stay in the safety of her room, but she knew that Cris would be relentless. She’d drag Lightning out by her hair, if she had to. When Pandora meant business, she meant business. The girl didn’t do things half-assed.

Lightning sprang up, shooting out of her room in time to see Cris slink into Seph’s room.

Well. At least it wasn’t Raea’s.

She pulled the hood of her oversized hoodie over her head, before shoving her hands into the pockets of her shorts. She opened the door to Seph’s, lingering near the entrance, refusing to actually go in; to look at Seph’s face. I guess she was just thankful that Cris had been lucky enough to not participate in the games. Sephora had.

”What d’you want, Pandora.” She snapped, eyes hard and cold. Her face was one of menace, and she fought hard to keep it that way.

She didn’t care.

She didn’t care, she didn’t care, she didn’t care.

”Make it quick; I’ve got other things to do,” she lied smoothly, taking extra care to ignore Seph. It was all clear now; what she had to do.

She didn’t want to care -- to be vulnerable enough to be hurt again. But being called into group meetings, to hang out with supposed friends; that wasn’t going to work. And if she didn’t care (and she didn’t), then this would be no problem.

Lightning tilted her head defiantly, a stubborn, composed look in her eye.

She had to leave the Brat Pack.

---

NOTES: lolololol awks. sorry it's rambly and not interesting~ she's being so annoyingly retarded. T-T

[Crissatha Pandora]

Well wasn’t this just positively cheery. Cris rolled her eyes as she got the reaction from Seph. The girl was refusing to leave her bed. Cris understood. Honestly, she really did. It could be more than shitty to fall in love with someone only for them to turn out to be a self serving asshole who made no sense. She knew. She had been there. More than once if she was going to be honest. But the moping didn’t help and she knew that. She knew from experience.

Not that she wanted Seph to go down her lovely route of sexing herself into oblivion. No, that was Cris’s route and she was going to keep that personal method to herself, thanks. Why? Because she could mostly. It was her deal, she would deal with it the best way she knew how. At least she wasn’t hiding in Lux’s room anymore, though the idea was tempting to run and hide back in his room, in his comforting presence because she knew that he would never let anything hurt her. He was protective that way. And she appreciated that, but she needed to stand on her own two feet.

So did Seph.

And moments later, when Lightning appeared in the doorway, she deduced that so did Li.

Fuck, when had they all gotten so messed up. Wait. She knew. Some fucker had kidnapped some of them, and it had trickled down to affect the rest of them, if Cris’s lovely encounter with Justin in the tunnels said anything about that. She shook he rhead. They had all gotten fucked, but weren’t they the fucking brat pack? She was sick of this bullshit.

When no one else showed up she sighed. She would drag them to join in a moment. She had to pep talk the two she had. Well this would be funny, Cris giving a pep talk. She had lost her mind, clearly, after losing Justin. She just hoped her closest friends wouldn’t notice. She was good at icing off. ”Wallowing sucks, and I suggest you find the energy, Kitty” she said, speaking to the Boss Lady first. She knew first hand that the movement was likely to get her head bitten off. Or rather, it would have if they had all been themselves. But she wasn’t scared of Seph right then. She was curled up in bed.

Then she turned to Li, and arched a brow, icy blue meeting her cerulean ones. She was snapping, but she was hurt, and icing off. Cris crossed her arms at the fact that Li seemed to think that she could snap and get out of this. Cris didn’t play that way and she thought she had instilled that in the other girl by now. ”Well you know the world is going to shit when I’m the only one playing the bonding game” she muttered to herself and then rolled her eyes, meeting Li’s once more and the arched brow got higher.

”I’ll make it as long or quick as I wanna, Bug” she said with a fakely sweet smile. She wasn’t going to be nasty, but after the shit she had gone through, Cris was as quick to snap as the rest of them, she was just trying to hide it. She had moped like Seph was, and she had avoided everyone too. And now she was sick of it. And she was going to subject the rest of her friends to her restless side for a moment, and if they tried to escape that was their issue. She was only going to play by force until she explained herself. Then she would let them do whatever the fuck they wanted.

”Seriously, we’re a fucking mess. And it’s sickening. You all went through that shit together, so don’t give the bastard what he wants and separate. Honestly, haven’t you ever heard of not giving the jackass the last laugh?” Cris said, realizing that she was making no sense but she had gotten really good at making no sense lately. And having sex. That was about Cris’s life for the past little while now.

It took her mind off Justin.

She winced. Fuck she had thought his name. She had thought his name. Shit. Shit. That hurt. That fucking hurt. She shook her head and clutched at her heart for a moment like that could make the pain stop and then she iced it up, taking a deep breath. She had to pretend to be stable around the rest, cause the rest of them were doing a shit job of it. ”Honestly, I get it. I get the need to wall yourself off or wallow. It doesn’t do shit” She bit out, looking at both of them.

Words: 836
Muse: Eh
Comments: She's trying to be profound. And failing. But she's trying. Though tihs post is shit. Sorry

[Sephora Taryn]

Didn't Cris understand? It wasn't as if Seph wanted to just sit there and wallow. That was the absolutely last thing that Seph wanted to do, but she couldn't help it. As cliche as it sounds, it was as if her spirit had just died and she just couldn't move anymore. She sighed as she thought about how if she had been feeling like herself she would want to kick herself for sounding so damn pathetic. How dare she sit here and wallow? She had actually said that to herself time and time again but no matter what the results were always the same. Her sitting here and wallowing.

She understood that Cris was trying to fix everything, but could everything really be fixed? After everything was just so broken after everything was just so terrible? How could you go back from that? How could you pretend like nothing ever happened and everything was okay when you knew damn well that it wasn't? Seph mentally shook her head. She couldn't pretend. It just wasn't in her. She couldn't pretend that everything was okay, she couldn't laugh with her friend. Not when she was dying on the inside.

She looked over at Cris hearing her talk but not really listening. Which she felt bad for because she knew that Cris had gone through. Cris had gone through so much just like she had and she turned to Lightning too. She had gone through a challenge at the hands of the same mad man the difference between her and Seph was that Seph. hers had been real. Seph had been a little cat. Seph had had her life turned upside down that night.

She had to ponder though, why the hell had this happened to her? She sighed and thought about what her mother would do in this kind of situation and frowned when she realized that she had no necklace to touch to get comfort from. She didn't want to sit here and wallow. It was the last thing she wanted to do but that was what her body was doing she could not for the life of her make it stop. She could not for the life of her make herself want to get up out of bed and be functioning person. She just couldn't and she hated herself for it.

It was all the fault of men.

Seph felt a little flicker of flame burn within her as she thought that. Yes that was right! it was all damn the men of the worlds fault. If they weren't so fucking fucked up then her and her friends would be fine. If they weren't all the biggest pieces of shit in the planet then she and her friends would be more than than fine. They would happy without them and they would be safe and not scarred for fucking life because of them.

Now that Seph thought about it. She could relate this all back to the fact that men fucking sucked. Before Seph had been with...him...she had been better than ever. She was heading her pack and kicking Kalona's ass secretly. She had been having the time of her life with her girls and that had been enough for her and now. Now that she had been with him she was here in her bed refusing to move and being a fucking pathetic little mess. All because of him. How dare he? How dare he do this to her and not have to pay for it? How dare there be nothing for him to deal with?

This was fucked up! Seph thought to herself as she turned out a little bit more of what Cris was saying. Guys were fucking nuts and they ruined women's lives. They needed to be destroyed or something. Something terrible. She growled a little low in her throat without realizing it and then picked up her bucket of ice cream that was on the floor and then looked up at her friends. She wasn't getting out of bed but she wasn't feeling as sad. She was feeling more angry now.

"You know what Cris...You're right...Wallowing get's absolutely nothing done...I mean wallowing fucking sucks....and you know who's fault it is there is wallowing? Men. All of them. They fucking suck. Evil little creatures that suck the life out of everything...

Seph muttered that last part and then shoveled ice cream in her mouth and then looked up at her two friends. They may think she was crazy but she didn't care. She knew she was right. No one would be in this terrible fucking situation if it wasn't for the stupid damn men of the world.

"Don't you just want to kill them all? Or smack them all with something extremely hard? Like a hammer?She smirked a little at that and then ate more ice cream. Her friends were probably going to think that she was crazy but she didn't care. Maybe she was. It didn't matter. She was right.

Words: 874
Muse: goood
Notes: Oddd odd post