Broken Pieces (Raine I think...lol)

[Sephora Taryn]

Dark, that was one way to describe the room right now. Completely dark. Maybe devoid of light, that was something too, but that was how Seph liked it right now, even if she had the energy to get up from her spot on the floor she wouldn't have moved. She didn't want the light on, she didn't want the curtains open. She didn't want to let the bright sun in, she didn't want to try and warm her. Nothing could warm her, not when she felt so cold. She gulped and just stared down at the floor trying to not think about the cold in her chest. As if her heart was wrapped in ice.

No matter how she tried to not think about the ice inside her chest, she couldn't. Not when every time she breathed she felt the shards of pain sticking deeply into her heart. Not when all she could do was either cry or stare blankly at the floor. She didn't speak or eat, she barely even moved. This was her life now. These were the broken pieces of Sephora Taryn. This was all that was left of her, and all that would ever be.

She was alone right now, she bitterly laughed. Alone, she was always alone these days no matter who she was with. The room was empty except for her, Raine was out at a dance class, only because Seph had told her that it was okay to go...that she would be fine. No no, of course she didn't need to come or anything.

She lied.

Seph was not okay. She didn't even know what okay was anymore. She ran a hand through her hair and just sort of stared at the floor. She hugged her knees to her chest and just sighed as she tried not to think. That was all she had done these past few days. Tried not to think. She tried not to think about how everything just went wrong...

She gulped and stood immediately trying to dispel the thoughts from her brain and then moved over to the big stereo they had in the room, mostly it was for Raine, Raine would put on her music and dance across the room and Seph would just watch her, not today. Today Seph had put in one of her Beatles CD's . She was going to play a sad song because that's all she knew how to play these days.

Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Seph frowned and then curled up on her bed as she listened to the sad chords of the music fill her. Yesterday, yeah more like a few weeks ago. She wanted to go back to the time when she had not a worry or a care. She wanted to go back to the time when she was happy. Back to the time when she still had him...

She felt the familiar sting of hot tears in her eyes and she growled in frustration. She didn't want to cry anymore, she didn't want to be pathetic any more. She just wanted to...she just wanted to go back to being who she was.

She wanted to go back to being Sephora, the girl who didn't give a shit. The girl who didn't like boys or need them, The girl who said fuck em all.

All that Changed with Seth Horus, he had shown up and literally swept her off of her feet. She hated that term but she didn't know any other way to describe it, he came into her life and it felt like everything was just all of a sudden different. Things just seemed different, but a good different all she ever did was think about him and she had made the mistake of thinking that this was mutual. She had made the mistake of thinking that when she fell for him. He fell back.

She was wrong.

Seth had done the unspeakable. He had helped a mad man kidnap her and her friends and hold them hostage and torture them. He had helped him hurt her friends and then he had hurt her, not physically no. He had assured her that he would never do that, she scoffed like she could believe a fucking word that came out of his mouth anymore. The emotional turmoil that he caused though, now that was more than Seph could bare.

She loved him, she knew it no matter how she tried to make it not so, she loved him and she wasn't sure she would ever get over it. Get over what he had said about her. Get over what he did to her and the people that she loved

I don't want you around me right now..The words stung deep in her as she thought them. How could he do this? How could he treat her this way when she loved him? Why didn't he love her too? Thinking about this just made her feel pathetic. She was never going to be this girl, she had always told herself that. She was never going to be the girl who became so broken over some guy. The only problem was...he wasn't just some guy.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.


Seph frowned and sat up as she tried once again to not think about anything, as she tried so hard to just clear her mind and just not think. It just wasn't working though...She ran a hand through her hair for about the millionth time and wished that Raine was back in the room, just so she could have the comfort of someone.

Well She did have her mothers necklace, she reached up to her neck and froze right away...

No no no no no no...she screamed in her head, no it couldn't happen. She couldn't have....

Seph launched up out of bed and ripped it apart, looking through her pillows and her blankets and she started crying as she did "Come on Come on, Please please" she whispered as she tore everything on her side of the room to pieces and she still didn't find it...but where...she went over to her dresser and pulled out all of her clothes and threw them to the floor.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Her mother's necklace was gone, she must have lost it that night. She had changed into a tiny cat one who could not possibly be able to hold her necklace, it was probably still there. With all of the turmoil she had faced with Seth, she didn't even notice that the most important item in the world to her was gone. Gone. Just like the only guy she ever loved. Gone. Everything was just fucking gone and she couldn't take it anymore.

She stood and frowned feeling the pain in her chest just start growing, the ice inside her just starting to spread further and further through her body. She just wanted to let this pain go...maybe have some different pain, something more bearable..yeah that's it.

Seph ran over to her drawers that held her school supplied and looked for a pair of scissors, she frowned. Nothing. Raine probably took them all. She frowned "Fuck!!"she screamed as she kicked the dresser.

She didn't know what to do now, She didn't know if there was anything for her to do she just wanted to fade away, fade away into nothing. She stumbled over to Raine's bed and just plopped there..She didn't want to feel she didn't want to do anything. She just wanted to pretend that she didn't exist. She didn't want to be a broken shell but she didn't know how to be anything else right now.


Words: 1375
Muse: Good
Notes: First post in awhile lol

[Raine Ashera]

Raine found it hard to concentrate on her dance class. Now that was saying something. She just couldn’t seem to keep her mind on the moves, everything just seemed harder and it wasn’t because these moves were hard. She had nailed them the last time she had tried them. But this time around she found her footing was off, her arch wasn’t perfect, her moves were only graceful because of her affinity. It ashamed her to note that she couldn’t get even the simplest of moves down correctly.

Her dance instructor noticed too. If you can’t focus on the moves than you can leave us, Miss Ashera, and get back to what is so much more important to her the strict woman said when Raine, for the hundredth time, missed a simple lead change and stood on the wrong foot. Raine felt ashamed, and even the concern in her instructor’s eyes was not enough to make up for the sting of her words. She was right. Raine was off her game, and it made her feel ashamed to have even come to class when she couldn’t focus.

She apologized to her professor and to her fellow dancers and had slipped into the changing room. There she had slipped her socks onto her bare feet followed by her thick boots, and covered her slim dancer’s form and her scars with a sweatshirt and then her mother’s warn leather jacket. Loose and baggy sweatpants got tugged up and on over her tight dancer’s tights to keep out more of the chill. Tulsa was starting to get chilly, it meant she had to layer up a bit more. She didn’t mind slipping out into the chill though, the bite allowed her to think a little bit more clearly.

So what had the usually bubbly and always happy dancer thinking such sad thoughts?

It was simple really. Her best friend was what had her so distracted and lost. She should have never left the room. Seph had assured her that she was fine, that she would be perfectly fine and that Raine should just scoot off to her dance lesson and, reluctantly, Raine had agreed to what she had to say. She had ignored the pain in her best friend’s broken blue eyes and the defeated way the usually confident young woman held herself and had gone off to dance. She did this mostly for the sake of Seph’s pride.

Her best friend was a proud woman. And Raine didn’t want her thinking that she needed Raine’s help so she had scooted off. Thinking that maybe her leaving would be good for Seph, let her see that she could handle herself. But Raine hadn’t been able to think about anything other than her friend since she had left the room. Not even her dance had been enough to distract her from thoughts of her best friend sitting there alone and defeated. That wasn’t right. Raine wanted to personally put her knee where it hurt on one Seth Horus just to express how much this upset her. She had had such high hopes for that one too. He had seemed to love her so much…he had gotten her to finally open up and smile more…

She was just a really bad judge of character apparently.

Raine hefted her bag onto her shoulder. It was a little bit heavier than it usually was but that was because it had all the scissors from the room along with all of Seph’s knives that she could find. Seph’s sword had been carefully stored where Seph wouldn’t be able to get her hands on it as well. She wasn’t trying to make like she didn’t trust her, but Raine would really prefer to be safe rather than sorry. Coming back to a bleeding roommate really didn’t sound like a good time to the young dancer. So she would prevent anything she could manage to prevent and try to avoid explaining to Seph why she took it. There was no way to explain that didn’t sound like she just didn’t trust her friend. But it was this deep sadness that kept Seph from eating or moving that she didn’t trust.

She frowned and decided to jog her way back to the House and back to her room where her roommate was. Maybe she was wrong, maybe Seph would be perfectly fine and would laugh at her for being worried and overthinking things like she always did. Raine missed that random burst of laughter that she could usually bring out in the usually stoic Sephora Taryn. She doubted she would get it though. She was more likely to get tears these days. It was sad. Raine didn’t know what it was like to be heartbroken, but if it tore you up as much as it was tearing up Seph she never wanted to know.

That sounded really selfish and Raine frowned at her own thoughts. She had to be supportive, not selfish. Raine had been doing her best to be there for Seph no matter what. Bringing her food and making her eat it, attempting to bring light into the room, trying to make Seph leave the darkness she hid herself in these days. Nothing worked too well, but that didn’t stop the young woman from trying her damndest anyway to drag the other young blue fledgling out.

Seth would really get an ass kicking if Raine ever saw him again.

She heard the Beatles coming from her room, it was a sad song. That made Raine frown a little bit. She didn’t approve of the sad music. It was better to try and cheer yourself up with happy music. Raine knew that Seph had every right to wallow a little bit in the sadness, it was healthy to do so, and to think that she’d be happy right away after all that had happened was silly, but she still wanted to try and cheer up Seph. As soon as possible. She missed her roommate’s smile.

She unlocked the door and came inside, dropping her bag which made a distinctive clink that Raine hoped Seph couldn’t hear over the music. Nightmare came running over to her and she scooped him up, rubbing her cheek against him a little and looking around the room until she spotted Seph’s huddled form on her bed.

She frowned and shed her jacket before going over there, closing the door before she moved of course. She didn’t say anything at all at first, just wrapped her arm around Seph’s shoulders to let her know that she was there. And now she wasn’t sure what to say. She leaned over, Seph was taller than her but when she sat like this they were nearly the same height, and kissed Seph’s cheek. ”Hey…I’m home” she said softly, just to let Seph know she was there. She wasn’t sure what else to say.

Words: 1204
Muse: Good
Comments: She's so worried about her bestieeee

[Sephora Taryn]

Seph hated this. She hated this so much, she didn't know what to do. She just wanted...she wanted for it all to be over. She didn't know how to stop it though, she didn't know how to stop this feeling of everything just being terrible. She wanted to fling herself out the window, but she was pretty sure that flinging yourself out a first floor window would do nothing but make her look like an idiot.

Not that she cared about what anyone thought about her right now. She didn't care about anything. She just wanted everything and everyone to just go away. She somewhat felt bad for this, She had refused to leave the room so that meant that she wasn't seeing the Pack. Everyone had their own issues though, everyone had been in the game too which is something she remembered but forgot about all the time because she was in the midst of her own shit. She somewhat felt bad, and she said somewhat because all she felt lately was pain and she just wanted to get rid of it. It was supposed to get better but it was only getting worse....

Her mothers necklace was gone. Her mothers fucking necklace was gone. The necklace that her mother had given her minutes before she had died was now missing and Seph was probably never going to see it again, she whimpered a bit at the thought as she laid there face down on Raine's bed. She didn't know what she was going to do without her mother's necklace. There was a hollow feeling where it used to rest around her neck and she kept reaching up to see why it felt so that way only to be met with why, that feeling of emptiness because it was not there...

She was so fucking angry. How could she have let this happen? How could she have let herself lose the most important item that she owned? Her eyes filled with tears as her fingers dug into the skin in her neck, she couldn't help it. This physical pain was better than the pain that was currently ripping her heart to shreds. She just wanted to drive the pain away and this pain was doing it. This pain was better. She dug and dug until she gasped and her fingers came away with blood. Fuck, how the hell was she going to explain that to Raine?

She flopped back over onto her best friend's bed and started to feel bad again. Raine, she had been nothing but support since all of this happened but Seph felt bad that she had so little to work with. Seph was a broken shell of a person and Raine was left with the pieces to pick up. It wasn't fair to her but at the same time, Seph couldn't do this without her. She knew that she couldn't because Raine was her rock, Raine was the one who had been here for her through all of this shit...

The Beatles song was about over but Seph wasn't going to get up and go change it. She wasn't prepared to move, her neck was stinging from the spots where her fingers had dug into the skin and she tried to focus on that instead of the ice stabbing her in the heart. She tried to focus on the dull sting in her neck, she closed her eyes and licked her lips and just tried to feel the sting. It wasn't enough, sure it was like a paper cut with lemon juice on it but it wasn't enough to stop her from feeling like her heart was taking a trek through Siberia. This was all Seth's fault...she cringed as she thought his name.

She never expected this from him and it was probably what hurt her the most. The fact that she had put all of her trust in him and he just threw it back in her face, he treated her like she was nothing when all she had secretly wanted was to mean something to him. To be with him. She just wanted him and look where that got her? Bleeding and depressed on her best friends bed without her mothers necklace. It was a sad fucking state of affairs and she just wanted out. For a second she thought about whether or not she had any friends on the second floor, because maybe that fall would do something there. Maybe she would fall there and break something...it made her feel so pathetic to wish this on herself. It made her feel like such a fucking coward to want to do such stupid things but...

The part of her that was angry at her for being so weak didn't feel the pain that the rest of her was going through. It didn't feel the pain that never ended. The pain that was in her chest when she was awake and when she slept. When she stood or when she sat. No matter what the pain was always there and it was something that she just couldn't bare no matter how cowardly that made her. She didn't care, she needed a way out of this pain and she needed it fast.

As she had been thinking that the door opened, she didn't move to see who it was, she knew who it was. Raine was back from her dance class but she seemed to be back a little early, not that Seph really knew the exact time so what would she know right? She wouldn't know. All she did was sit up in this room in the dark and be pathetic, yeah she didn't know anything. She wondered how Raine would react to Seph's side of the room being destroyed, Seph had torn it apart looking for her mother's necklace and she would do it again if she thought it would help her find it.

Raine came over and hugged her and said she was home and Seph tried to hide the various wounds that were on her neck just because she didn't want to be yelled at for them yet, Sadly she wouldn't be able to speak without showing the wounds. She frowned and turned her head so that she could look at her Raine, she know how she looked right now, tear stained and bloodied. She looked like fucking shit.

"Hey... her voice cracked and she knew she sounded so broken and it just made her want to kick herself. How the fuck was going to be better if she kept sounding so dam pathetic? How was she going to stop Raine from worrying when she was like this?

She decided to try and speak again and this time it would be with more of a confident sound, just a very unhappy question "Hey..have you seen my mothers necklace?"she hoped that she would say yes but she doubted it some part of her already knew that it was lost forever. It seemed like these days...all she did was lose what she loved.

Words: 1222
Muse: Good
Notes: Shes so sad. Its saddening.

[Raine Ashera]

It was rare for Raine to not be able to focus on her dancing. So rare that it had never happened to her before. Dance had been how she had brought herself back to life after the accident. It was how she had kept herself happy and moving forward. It was her everything, so she always devoted everything that she had to it every time she went to dance class. But today, she just couldn’t keep her attention on the moves or what her instructor was saying. Her attention was entirely focused back on her room and her best friend and roommate who was wallowing in her misery back at the House.

And apparently her instructor noticed. She sent Raine home after telling her that if she couldn’t focus she shouldn’t be there. Though she gave Raine a slight smile to let her know that she wasn’t mad, Raine still felt bad for disrespecting her art and her teacher that way. But not bad enough to argue that she should stay. She had to get back home, she had to get back to her Sephora because her best friend needed her. That was why she had come back to Tulsa even though the house scared her now. Her best friend was just about everything to her.

She just got her butt to the changing room, put on her layers over her dancing clothes so that way she wouldn’t freeze when she finally reentered the world outside which was starting to get a bit chilly out there and bolted out of her dancing studio. She was practically running back to the house. Sephora had told her that she would be fine, but Raine didn’t buy it. She was freaking out and worrying and nothing would make her relax until she knew that her friend was okay.

Heartbreak was not an easy thing to handle after all. Seth had brought her up, he had made her smile and made her open up. But he had also gotten her trust and gotten under her skin. Raine was pretty positive that they had loved each other. Or at least, Seph had loved Seth. And then he had broken her down entirely, broken her down into the mess that was now the once very proud and strong blue fledgling. And it worried the heck out of Raine to the point where she couldn’t even focus on her dancing.

But she had thought that it might be good for Seph to be on her own for a bit, might be good for her pride. She just worried that she had been wrong about that. She worried that she’d get back and find…what? She wasn’t sure what she was afraid of. Sephora would never kill herself, Raine knew that much. But she might damage herself without even thinking about it.

So with her bag over her shoulder, she bolted to the house, and through the campus, and over to the girl’s dorms. She was grateful not to have to go up any stairs, not because she couldn’t get up the stairs but because she didn’t want to waste time getting up the stupid things on her way to the room.

She wasn’t expecting to see the entire room be such a mess when she entered. Okay, sure, she expected it from her half of the room. She was a mess, she was always just dropping her things to fall wherever they wanted to fall and being sure that she would pick it all up later when she thought about it. She was the type of person who found things easier when her room was a mess than she did when it was all neat and tidy. It was just the way that her brain worked or something like that.

Seph on the other hand was borderline OCD. She kept everything in order, and everything had it’s place. It always made her flinch to see Raine’s side of the room because of how lax Raine was with cleaning everything. So she hadn’t expected to see Seph’s side of the room all torn up like it was. But all the same, she knew better than to even think about commenting on it. It would probably just make Seph more upset to notice that she had done that to her side of the room, and Seph didn’t need that.

She had scooped up Nightmare when he came running over and kissed the top of his head, but set him down gently when she saw Seph all miserable and on her bed. Raine didn’t question why Seph was on her bed instead of her own, it was just best not to ask and she didn’t think it was important enough to question. She just entered the room instead without a word to the state of her friend or her friend’s half of the room.

She plopped down next to Seph and hugged her, kissed her cheek, and just let her know that she was home. She didn’t want Seph to notice that she was home early, because that meant that she would wonder why. Raine knew that Seph was proud, and she didn’t want her to get upset or insulted that Raine had come home early to check up on her. Seph answered with a hey and Raine frowned a little with how broken and cracked the word sounded, but she kept the small smile on her face. She had to keep the happy up, it wouldn’t due for them both to be out of it. Besides, Raine was the happy and cheery one, right?

Seph asked if Raine had seen her mother’s necklace and Raine looked down to where it usually hung. And didn’t see it there. She bit her lip a little. Lovely. First her best friend lost the boy she loved and now the only thing she treasured. That was not what she needed right now. She hugged Seph tighter. ”We’ll find it” she said, stubbornly confident. She was not going to let Seph sink lower if she could help it. She didn’t need that. Raine would find it. Suddenly the torn up room made sense. She figured that Seph probably lost it at that stupid house where she had been held captive…Raine wondered if she could sneak in there to get it back. Maybe.

Or maybe she’d demand Seth do it for her. The idea was something that she entertained for a moment and then resolved to do it if she couldn’t find it here in the room.

And then she noticed the blood on Seph’s neck…and called herself an idiot mentally for not noticing sooner. But also she was very happy to have pulled any form of blades out of the room before she left. She had hoped she wouldn’t have to, but obviously she had. She gasped softly when she noticed. Her hand flying to her mouth. ”Oh…Seph…” she said softly.

And then she stood. She went and got a small towel from her mess of a desk, knowing exactly where to find it in the clutter, and then got a water bottle. She wet the tissue gently and then went back over to Seph. ”Let me help” she said softly, trying not to show that it upset her that Seph had done this to herself. But at least it had just been her nails and not a blade of some sort. She gently ran the wet cloth over her best friends neck, getting off the dried blood and also the new blood that was still slowly sliding along her neck. She kept the frown off her face from experience of not frowning.

She pulled the cloth back and pulled a tiny smile onto her face, knowing Seph needed the happy and not the sad. ”There we go” she said, leaning up to kiss Seph’s forehead gently out of habit. She was a big sister after all, certain things were just planted into her being. ”Did you eat today, Seph?” she asked.

She hated that she had to ask, but she knew that she had to.

Words: 1406
Comments: Raine's so wooooorried
Muse:Good