A Thought (password protected, incripted)

[Miyuki Tsubasa]

Febuary 9^th 2010

Subject: Power

Power is something people have been craving and seeking since ancient times, but yet, I've always wondered what it is. To say you seek power, how very vague. How does one describe this power which they seek? Or better yet, how does one obtain this so called power? This is a subject in which I fail to entirely grasp rather quickly. After all, sure, it sounds nice and wonderful and such, and from what i've seen through my own eyes, many crave it, many more fear the loss of it, but how does one go about gaining it, let alone loosing it? It just doesn't seem to make any sense to me.

An old saying that many believe false: Knowledge is power. I've been thinking, maybe this isn't so wrong after all. If you know the right information, nothing is truly out of your league. Knowing the weak points on a much stronger opponent, if the weak points be the right ones and executed properly, a tiny person, my size or smaller, possibly even as weak as Roxas. With the right knowledge, one could easily take down one twice their size or larger.

What I think, is that power is the combination of two things: Knowledge and control. After all, with the right knowledge, one would be able to control say, the president.

Or, to bring it a little closer to home, Kalona and Neferet.

How would one be able to do this? Even more simple: Blackmail. Hold the right information against someone and you can control them, you can make them do (depending on how bad it is) anything. It's been used against me myself on multiple occasions and I doubt anyone is truly immune to this. After all, everyone has the metaphorical skeleton in their closet.

However, what worries me, is how far would one be willing to achieve this power? Surely some people have limits, don't they? How far could you go to have your power? Would you be able to kill someone's dearest loved ones right in front of their eyes? Even a child? How many innocents entirely uninvolved could you destroy, how many different lives could you destroy?

I don't think it's wise to trust those who seek power. After all, with what I've just reasoned out, you will never know if they are simply manipulating you for their personal gain or if they'll turn around to betray you. It all seems to risky to me.

~Miyuki

[Miyuki Tsubasa]

Miyu Note: For those entirely and epically confused with the title of this thread and it's format, as well as the date on the first post, that's because, timeline-wise, that was written before Solana betrayed the Pack and before Miyuki ever met her. Secondly, if you notice the name of this thread, you'll find it.... odd. That's because hidden on Miyuki's main computer is an incripted and password-protected file titled "A Thought" which is where the more recent entries in this thread are stored, InCharacter-wise. The ones that are stored in this file are the ones that have a date, a subject, and speak only or mostly about that subject. The "files" like that, you may want to read the date for, because they will be scattered throughout the timeline of this site and the one before it. For example, the first entry in this thread was written before Miyuki met Solana. It's most definitely after she met Cris, though whether or not it was written before or after the Pack was formed, I have no idea. The other style of entries in this thread will be from when Miyuki was much younger. Those will not have a date on them, but will start something like "dear: diary" these entries are written from when Miyuki was 5 to 17 and are rather crudely written in Kanji (japanese writing) in a filthy, bloodstained notebook Miyuki keeps well-hidden in her room. These entries are the easier to actually see, though even if you CAN read Kanji, it would be rather hard to understand what she was trying to write. To figure out exactly when in Miyuki's life the entries of this notebook took place, you would have to look for clues in what was written. The entries of this notebook are in no particular order either given that not only is it falling apart, but you could have a surprising amount of blank pages between an entry. Now that i've explained, I'll get on with the actual entry.

Febuary 18^th, 2011

Subject: None

I am the eldest of 13 children. Before I was kidnapped, I was the eldest of 5 children. Growing up, I was the eldest of 3. I am a big sister and I am very well aware of this. Being a big sister, it makes me... well.... Protective. However, I have recently noticed I'm not just protective over my sister, but over my friends as well.

Given that, I am also very much insane, unstable, mentally unwell, whatever you want to call it. I think this is a main point in what swings me so offbeat with my way of thinking and how I do and handle things, though I suppose my upbringing is a rather large help in that area.

Now, I'm not sure which of these two factors it is that point out what I'm about to mention, whether it's the fact that I am the only of my friends that is an elder sibling and therefore can just tell these things like another sense, or the fact that i'm mentally unstable or from my strange upbringing, but whatever it is, I'm worried about a friend.

And, of course, this friend is Red.

Now, I know for a fact that I am not as close to Red as I am to Raea or Cris, and, after reading through a few older entries in this file, that I deliberately pushed her away for some time, but she's still a close friend that's seen me through a lot, so I care about her enough to worry about her.

I know Red loves Kalona, as much as she tries not to make it obvious. I know what a girl in love looks like after all. And no, I am SO not talking about myself when I say that. Who I've seen it on before would be Kay. My stupid, ditzy, psychopathic, takes-orders-from-a-magic-8-ball-and-worships-a-rubix-cube, mentally retarded, but amusing blonde friend Kay. My blonde friend that's seen too many heart-breaks and bad relationships to count. And each of those times, when I was nagging at her to end it already and leave the fool that wasn't treating her right, she wouldn't, because she loved him.

Now, why I'm so worried about Red, half is I'm worried falling for the feathered freak is just like she put her heart under the blade of a guillotine. It's only a matter of time before the blade comes down and chops that heart right in half. And, from what I've read, it's happened before.

To put it mildly, the turd-bird doesn't deserve Red's affection. She's clearly too good for a cradle-robbing, pedophile, rapist like him. And, being perfectly honest here, I doubt he truly feels the same way for her as she does him. I mean, wasn't he psycho for Redbird once upon a time and isn't he dubbed Ferret-face's "Consort", which, for the record, makes me laugh, because Consort is really just a fancy way of saying male whore. Not to mention who knows how many of the fledglings and vampyres on campus he's screwing behind her and Neferet's backs?

It's not even what I've just mentioned that has me bothered right now.

What has me bothered and worried for my red haired friend is the fact that none of our friends, myself included, actually like Kalona. We talk shit about him and do things to piss him off all the time. I'm worried that it all bothers and hurts Red, because she actually cares for him unlike the rest of us who'd much rather set him on fire to see if it kills him or not.

Another fragment of this worry is the possibility of betrayal.

When you love and care about someone, you will go through immense lengths, betray everyone else you know and care for, just to make sure the person you love and care for is safe and happy.

This line of thinking has me wondering, which does Red care for more? us, her friends, or him, her love. For most people, the answer is simple: the one you love. That of course, has me worrying about the possibility of betrayal. Not only that, but the possibility that she could just get pissed off by the rest of us for shit-talking the guy she loves and walk out on us, taking all our secrets straight to our enemy, her love.

I love and care about Red like another of my sisters, but that doesn't change the doubts I have. I wish i didn't doubt the people I care for, but I kind of can't help it. The way I grew up taught me to be wary of all things, to doubt everything, because if you didn't, you would most likely end up dead. I know Raea's told me time and time again that I'm not where I grew up anymore, I can relax now. But old habits die hard.

I need a second opinion on this... I think I'll talk to Sephora about it. She usually has good opinions on things and looks at situations with a level head. I trust her judgment.

~Ki