You Know It's Killing Me [Justin's Journal]

[Justin Flyte]

Journal,

So, I haven't ever used this fucking thing before. Obviously, I haven't had to, up until now. My life's been fricken normal, up until now. Where do I even start? I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore, let alone how to start a Journal entry. I don't know where I stand with any of my friends, or if they're even okay, after the "Game."

And don't even get me started, with Cris.

I'm so scared. So scared of what I saw, and the possibility of it being real.

She said she loved me.

She said she loved me.

Fuck. I'm such a retard. I know it was real. It had to be. It couldn't feel that real and.. not be. That kinda stuff just doesn't happen. You don't have dreams that horrifying; that vivid. I'm so fucking scared. I knew this was going to happen; I knew I should have just... manned up. I love her so much, and she just went off and fucked Marluxia. And I actually went to him for help. The fucking bastard was probably trying to steer me away from her. Ugh, god. I can't even stand this. Fuck.

Cris actually cheated on me.

And then, she acted like I was the one that wasn't supposed to be there.

Did she just forget about our relationship, about fucking telling me she loved me? Did she forget about the time in the cave, or when we danced in the rain? My life's pretty much gone to shit.

But I can't say that, can I?

I'm supposed to be the happy one. The one everyone counts on for a laugh.

But how can I be a good laugh, when all I can do is think about her being with him?

I don't know if I should text her. I think I'm too afraid. That, whatever it was in that Game, was far too real to bother fighting. It had to be real. But I can't let it get to me.

Too fucking late.