"I feel like a Monster" (Open)

[Raine Ashera]

Raine pouted playfully when he wrapped the towel back around his waist. Was she really bothered? Not all that much, though she did prefer the lack of towel because then it led to fun activities….not that she was up for that right now being that she felt like a happily exhausted limp child. But still, Raine was playful…it was just the way she was and the way she always would be as far as she was concerned on the matter. She liked to have fun with life, what was so wrong with that? It was better than sitting around and moping all day anyway!

A soft, involuntary eep left her mouth when he tugged her up to stand so easily. She hadn’t been expecting it! Though she should have been…she doubted he’d leave her there or let her fall asleep on his bathroom floor. Even if he wasn’t the perfect gentleman as far as she was concerned, she doubted he would let that happen. It was a little creepy either way, even she could admit to that quite honestly. But then he tossed her over his shoulder. She squeeled, though it quickly turned into laughter, entirely surprised by that move. And she kicked. Boys didn’t usually toss her over their shoulder! Into the air, yes. Into lifts for dance, yes. But over their shoulder? Not a common experience for the lovely Miss Raine. Though it made her laugh. She still squirmed anyway, not that it seemed to do her much good at all. Easton! Put me down!” she managed to say through her laughter.

Well she got her wish soon enough either way.

She missed touching him the moment he set her down, was that sappy? She didn’t really care. Raine didn’t deny herself her feelings…once she admitted they existed at least. Took her a while to get to that point was all. But now that she was there and had admitted it out loud, she was fine to admit she was getting a little sappy. But hey, she was female. It happened, right? The spark of worry she saw on his face, though that reminded her that she was supposed to be the one worried about him. Not the other way around. Way to space out Raine. She shook her head at the worry, she was fine. She knew he was freaking out because he had bitten her, but she was fine….tired by fine. And very content. She tugged him down after he kissed her forehead to kiss his lips softly. ”Don’t be such a worrywart, I’m fine” she teased lightly, which was Raine’s automatic defense system, even if she really was just teasing this time.

She watched him dig around his room, but now she was the worried one. He seemed to be moving around just fine, but she couldn’t help, now that she got her mind on straight, but remember seeing him with glass on his knuckles, blood staining his shirt…nearly falling over…she closed her eyes against the image. She would love to get him to tell her what happened, but she wouldn’t push. Especially not right now when she was half asleep, physically exhausted from the past night’s experience even if her mind was still going on full speed.

She refocused on the room when he spoke, even if her mind was still going. She smiled and took the shirt, kissing him back softly before she set to tugging it on over the towel and sliding the towel out from under it. She nearly laughed. ”I feel like I’m starting a collection” she teased. It felt like every time they met, she ended up in one of his shirts. Not that she was complaining! No, not at all. She didn’t mind the amount of time she lost her clothes with him either, she wasn’t going to deny that part of their connection just because most couples didn’t always do that all the time…she was enjoying herself and it would be stupid to get all in a twist cause of that. Besides, she liked being surrounded by his scent, which she was when she was with him, or in his shirt. It was a damn nice feeling. Cuddling was more fun though, that she could easily admit.

She settled into his open arms easily, almost like she fit there. It was a feeling that still was scaring her slightly because she never settled. Not her whole life. She had seen what settling had done to her wild child mother after all, it had turned her into a settled and boring woman unless she was around her girls…that was the only time Raine had ever seen her mother relax and it was her father who had done it to her. Love-smove…it had turned her mother different. But…Easton wasn’t doing that to her. He didn’t dim her fire, if you asked her he made it bigger. She liked being with him…and she loved him. So she should chill out. Really really she should. She just…well she babbled even in her head!

She settled her head on his chest, content to lay there with her eyes closed. But she couldn’t shut down the worry, even if she was exhausted right now. She was entirely relaxed on him, even if she could feel he wasn’t relaxed himself. The moment was almost entirely perfect and calm, and Raine didn’t want to ruin it…but she couldn’t keep the worry to herself anymore. She didn’t move her head from his chest, more out of the fact that she was comfortable and didn’t think she could move if she tried, the lazy dancer, than anything else. ”Hey Easton? What…happened tonight?” and she meant to make him hurt, she hoped he knew that. She needed to know…needed to know what had happened to hurt him or she wouldn’t settle down…Wouldn’t be able to relax.

Words: 1043
Muse: Eh...there
Comments: Sorry its a horrible fail -_-

[Easton Knight]

It was almost perfect the way she snuggled against him, if he could only just relax completely. He tried to distract himself with thoughts of her…her laughter, smile, they graceful way she moved…but none of it helped the growing knot in his stomach. His mind always settled on one thought…She was too good for him. Honestly he had no idea if he would ever feel good enough for her, even if he really wanted to be. The truth was he hadn’t always been a good guy. The fear of her rejecting him after knowing the truth clung to him and made him feel like crap. Then her words, her sweet soft words asked exactly what he knew she would ask sooner or later.

Easton had promised to tell her…earlier…he would keep his word, even if it meant telling her things that could possibly make her not want him anymore. It had to be done. He had to explain to her who he had been in the past. She had to have some clue, hell he didn’t exactly go out of his way to protect any type of good reputation while he and his brother were so close and doing the things they did. Maybe it wouldn’t be a big surprise? Hell…he left like he wanted to throw up. Instead he pulled a deep steadying breath in to help calm him and snuggled her a little closer to him.
“A lot…” He smoothed her hair with his hand and placed a soft kiss on top of her head.

“Connor had been pestering me for weeks to go out with him…usually I ignore him, but tonight he just seemed a little…feral?” he wasn’t even sure if that made sense. Easton squirmed a little and tried to continue. “He just…has been getting worse. A lot of things with him have been changing. So I went with him to the club.” Hell this was going to suck… “You know, just sitting back keeping an eye on him.” His brother’s keeper, like always...hell that was going to change right now... “Things were fine until he started to get a little to close to a girl.” He searched for the right words, pausing for a moment. “He was going to hurt her. I got between them and pulled him away from her, of course this hurt his ego and he started picking a fight. We took it out side and down away from the club a bit.” Easton brought one had up and tucked it behind his head. “My brother hasn’t kept up with any sort of work out regimen but he sure held his own for a while. You should see him…I was just defending myself. Honest. All I wanted was to get him out of that club and back to the House but he wasn’t having any of that.”

Should he just leave it at that? He thought for a split second. No. Hell no. Better…he was supposed to be doing better and not acting like his old self…he would tell her how he hurt his hand as much as he really really didn’t want too. “I was just so…angry…I guess because I can’t change him…he is my brother and nothing will change that.” He tried to keep the uneasiness from his voice, tried to stay calm and steady. “I ran into some stupid human dude mugging a chick…I pummeled the shit out of him. I could have nearly killed him…I dunno I ditched into a gas station bathroom to calm down…punched a mirror…not exactly my best idea.” He shifted a little on the bed so he could sit up a little more and see her face.

“Raine…” he picked at the edge of the blanket that covered them. “I’ve killed people…” he looked her in the eyes, serious and regretful all at the same time. “Guys, girls…some who deserved it, some who didn’t…” He sat up a little more on the bed and gently touched her cheek for a moment. “But…I don’t want to be that person…I want to be better, I really do…Darkness can make you think all sorts of things are ok to do, even when they aren’t…but I feel like I can be better, you make me feel like I can be better…”

He hated his words. Hell he hated himself right now. He knew that he had a bad past, but when you say it out loud like that to someone else. That…just made him feel even more worthless…who was he kidding? He was tainted and he always would be.

Words: 761
Muse: There
Outfit: Boxers
Notes: eh…

[Raine Ashera]

Raine automatically felt bad for asking what had happened when she could feel him tense about it, she was half laying on him after all. But he had said he would tell her later, and now was later wasn’t it? She had been so worried…she just wanted to know and maybe it would make her relax enough to take a deep breath or two. But she wanted to take it back at the same time, she didn’t want to upset him or do anything that might cause him pain in anyway. Raine wasn’t like that, it wasn’t the way she worked. She was also a bit flighty and easily nervous, hence the mental spaz out just because she had asked what had happened to cause her to find his arm all bloodied up like it was.

Before she could take it back though, he started to speak. She had heard rumors, yes, but Easton didn’t seem anything like what she had heard, so she had started ignoring what she had heard a long time ago. Maybe it was something like that and that was why it upset him to tell her? He didn’t have to worry though…Raine just wanted to know so she had a better idea of how to help. Well, that and the girl was constantly far too curious for her own good really, she simply couldn’t help it. But she looked up at him after he kissed the top of her head. She felt him take a deep breath and had to look up at him, to see his face, but the angle was a little awkward, so she had to turn back to resting her head on his chest a moment later. She just…wanted to comfort him, and the only way she seemed to be able to right that moment was by being close to him, otherwise she would have twisted so she oculd look up at him.

She listened to him speak, overly concerned. She knew that Connor was his brother, the one he didn’t always seem to like all that much. Raine nodded a little when he paused. Okay, sounded like the Easton she knew and, as she had admitted earlier, loved so far. Keeping an eye on him…hell he always seemed to be keeping an eye on her in the best way possible too, and she appreciated it. Anyway, she forced her thoughts back to Easton who was speaking again. She nodded again after he spoke. So he had just been protecting a girl and had gotten in a fight? She didn’t see anything too wrong about that. Sure she didn’t like that he had fought, but she could deal with it without worrying too much. But at the same time…it made her wonder where all the blood and glass had come from.

She would have asked too, but he was talking again and she settled back into listening. He finished speaking and she was just quiet, trying to take it in. Sure, it was protecting a woman again, but it seemed it got too far…and he had punched a mirror, which made sense as for the glass…she wasn’t sure how to take that…

He shifted to look at her and she sat up a bit too, watching him while he spoke, still entirely in her head and thinking. He looked her in the eyes, and she looked back, a little unsteady because she was trying to take in what he was telling her. He had killed people? Well…she knew he was a red now and the rumor was they did that but…killing people? Raine wasn’t sure she could wrap her mind around that, or connect it to the boy she was laying in bed with. Her mind just…couldn’t do it. How was she supposed to handle this? Raine wasn’t sure…

He kept talking and she just listened, keeping her face blank as she could while she thought. She could see the regret in his eyes, and that was why she hadn’t run screaming, that and she couldn’t picture him doing that… She leaned into his touch without even thinking about it when he touched her cheek, closing her eyes. She wanted to believe him…he sounded so sincere. So sincere…and she truly believed he didn’t want to do that…didn’t want to be that anymore.

For a split second, bizarre as it may sound, she couldn’t help but think Seph wouldn’t like it. She supposed it came from Seph being the only important person in her life this past year, but now she had another. She put her hand over his and finally opened her eyes to look at him. Was she scared? A little. But…she meant it when she had said she loved him. Was it enough? Yes. Considering Raine had never bothered to love before, as weird as that sounded.

”I’m…I’m not gonna pretend that doesn’t scare me Easton. But…I meant it when I said I loved you…and I don’t see that person you’re telling me about in you anymore….” She leaned forward to kiss him softly. Later, later she would probably freak out more. But right now, she was content, and tired and ready to just relax with the boy she loved for now. Let her freak out later. ”I meant it when I said I love you” she said softly before relaxing back against him.

Raine took things with more ease than normal people. Some said that made her foolish, Raine didn’t care. She wouldn’t sacrifice things and people she cared about over grudges and fear.

Words: 926
Muse: Eh
Comments: Sorry it fails

[Easton Knight]

It was like every fiber in his body had been prepared for her to leap out of his bed and run away screaming. He has mentally prepared himself for it, and yet she lay there steady and true…maybe a tiny bit shaken…but she was still there and that meant the more then the world to him. He could barely believe it. The look of fear on a person’s face was something he had seen so many times, but there was barely a hint of it on her beautiful features. He felt so mixed up on the inside, not sure if the feeling was a relief or dread. Her words almost didn’t register in his brain while he was trying to mentally sort himself out…he kiss broke him from his stupid self loathing thoughts. All Easton could do was trying and take a deep breath to steady himself and wrap his arms around her as he leaned back against him. Had he been holding his breath this whole time? It sure felt like it…like something had been sitting on his chest preventing any breath to enter him. It ached.

“I…I love you too.” The words were almost a whisper as the passed over his lips. Gently he pulled her as close to him as he figured was comfortable for her. “I don’t want to scare you…I don’t want to hurt you either.” it was true…he would die before he ever hurt her intentionally…or not. He had never felt that way about anyone except for his mother…and his brother. At this moment though, the girl he held in his arms was the most important person to him. He could trust his brother any longer, as much as it killed him to admit. They had been drifting apart for quite some time. No he didn’t care as much as he used too…but he didn’t want to waste precious moments that he had with her thinking of his loss in his brother.


There was still so much going on in his head that he still couldn’t get his stomach to stop churning. Could he really be her knight in shining armor? Even with the darkness permanently tainting him? He wasn’t sure…there was always the fear of her being to damn good for him. He swallowed hard and tried to clear his throat. “I’m not perfect…I know that at some point I’ll disappoint you.” Easton fidgeted a little trying to get comfortable, somehow he would shake the unease that still settled deep within him. “But I’ll promise that I will do anything in my power to keep you safe and happy. I can’t promise that I’ll never fail you….but with every last bit of me, I’ll strive to be better.”

There it was. His insecurities and everything just hanging out there in the air. It made him feel a bit raw and open. But that was the way it was supposed to be? If you truly cared for someone, then you would be able to let your walls down…let them into the very heart of you? With out his control his body sort of shivered. He wasn’t sure what was happening to him. She had found a way to get under his armor…he was usually very good at turning off his emotions. Fuck. This was different…it would be good for him…just very different. Again he wiggled.

Words: 561
Muse: Been bothering me for a week…but then it turned out so short…disappointing.
Outfit: Boxers
Notes: None

[Raine Ashera]

Raine wasn’t going to lie and pretend that none of this scared her. She was honestly a little shocked, more than a little worried still, and a little scared. But not of him, no. Well…maybe a little but that was an irrational fear. She knew, from the bottom of her heart and soul, that he would never hurt her. She just…knew. She wasn’t sure how, and that much was enough to balance out the fear and keep her right where she was, on his bed, as close to him as she could get while still actually looking at his face. She wasn’t going to lie when she spoke though, and she didn’t. She said exactly what she was feeling.

She leaned back against him, mostly to assure him that she wasn’t going anywhere. She could feel how tense and scared he had been. And if she had more sense, he would have had every right to be because a normal girl probably would have run away from that. Too much to handle. Raine…Raine lived life on impulse, lived it with her heart instead of her head. And she knew she loved him. It made her more willing not to go anywhere, even if that seemed stupid to other people, it made the most sense in the world to her to stay right here with him.

Besides, she had secrets of her own. Ones she didn’t want to share, and wasn’t sure that she could if she tried. Most guys tended to run off when they found out, she was too much baggage or something like that. Too much pain in her past, and then the added pressure of who her father was…so she had no right to get freaked out and run away, at least that was what her backwards logic was telling her. She realized his was much more serious then hers. But if thinking like that made her relax enough to stay…she’d keep thinking like that.

He pulled her closer, and she couldn’t help but sigh contentedly, she wasn’t sure why but his arms always felt so right around her, to her anyway…He said he didn’t want to hurt her, and she looked up at him. ”I know. That’s why I’m still here” she said, with a tiny smile. Raine usually didn’t keep her sentences so short and sweet, she tended to babble. But she figured she’d put her foot in her mouth and upset him if she did, so she was keeping it short and sweet.

He was speaking again, and she was shifting to get more comfortable on him, because despite all of this very serious and relationship making talk, she was still exhausted from earlier. She was trying to beat it off with a mental stick. Resting her head on his chest was totally not going to help this mental beating off, but she was so comfortable…it felt right. And she was sticking with that. She listened to him speak, felt him shiver, and knew that he had just said something that was very important to him, it sounded important to her too. She didn’t move her head from his chest, only because she was tired, but she was listening, and she was going to reply.

”No one’s perfect Easton. And I’ll probably disappoint you too…so don’t worry, it’ll be mutual” she said softly, having to make that point. He didn’t have to hold himself up to a higher standard or anything, she loved him just the way he was…and they all did screw up from time to time. He shouldn’t worry about that.

With his last bit though, she did sit up a little to look at him. She wasn’t sure how to reply to that, for once Raine was stumped on what to say. It was a rare occurance, hadn’t happened in a long time, but trust him to stump her. But…she never doubted any of his words. She knew he would do exactly what he said, she just knew it. He was so amazing to her, to have been through things like he said, and still be this brave, and this determined… She would have given up on herself had she ever hurt anyone…but here he was, making vows to her like that. She finally said what she had been thinking. ”Honestly Easton…I don’t know what I ever did, to deserve someone as amazing as you. Everyone slips sometimes…to me….you’re already better” She knew he didn’t believe it. She knew he thought he was flawed and such, she could see it in the way he had tensed before he had told her his story, in the way he was so uncomfortable now.

But any other boy she could think of would have kept that story from her, made up a lie that would have made themselves sound better. And he had just told her the truth, said he’d be better…And she couldn’t figure out what she had done to deserve it. Certainly she hadn’t done anything that good in this lifetime. She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, unable to help it. He probably wouldn’t believe her, but she believed him. She believed he really would try. So why should she run away? She was happy right where she was.

Words: 936
Muse: Blech
Commnets: Sometimes I think Raine has the most irrational reactions to things ever lol. But she thinks with her heart, not her head.